i feel reassured

I feel reassured the now comes with an extra battery included and it’s double wrapped to ensure no tampering.

I feel reassured that some faceless corporation tells me there are no trans-fats in their new all-swine burger.

I feel reassured televisions are now the norm inside obtrusive steel frames that we call vehicles.

I feel reassured knowing that Maybelline labels their lipstick with a sticker that says “This product has not been tested on animals”- because, I thought for a second, there was a land of dolled up pigs that I was missing out on.

I feel reassured that the youth still face the same insecurities that I once had in grade school.

I feel reassured knowing that with every Starbucks muy grande flavour of the month, light foamed cinnamon coated, shaved Belgian chocolate, hand whipped, festively decorated, mocha el cappuccino- two cents is recycled back into the country that they have viciously raped- all in the name of a bean.

I feel reassured that every single company that uses China as a hub to manufacture its goods- ended up winning a game of rock, paper, scissors to company with a conscious.

I feel reassured knowing that even though my currency is depreciating rapidly, it still remains at a higher value than 99.8% of the rest of the world.

I feel reassured in Bob Dylan’s famous line “the times are a changing”- and now people have the right to say they are offended by Santa Claus, God, and national anthems..

I feel reassured that the new Louis Vuitton purse costs as much as a mid level Mercedes- which is still enough to feed and clothes one of Madonna’s adopted kids for a lifetime.

I feel reassured that we will never know the truth behind 9-11- even though we know what we were told is not the truth.

I feel reassured that my children will be born into a world- where they will be micro-chipped for MY convenience.

I feel reassured that guns are making a comeback in America.

I feel reassured that tobacco companies will constantly be at war with themselves.

I feel reassured that the price of oil will forever fluctuate without myself ever having a say.

I feel reassured that I may never truly know what’s in McDonald’s special sauce.

I feel reassured that the media will forever act like piranhas and eat every story to death before leaving behind the bones and moving hastily onto the next tragedy.

I feel reassured that I had to leave my country to make an honest dollar.

I feel reassured that our government is doing everything in their power to help the economy in times of despair- rather than stomping it to death, like previous bushmarks on society.

I feel reassured that we’ll continue to sell the majority of our national commodities to other countries- only to turn around and purchase them from less developed nations at a far better price.

I feel reassured that the U.S. was on the verge of electing an aged mule- and its trusty gun slinging Alaskan friend.

I feel reassured that I can die from eating chicken &lettuce or drinking a glass of water.

I feel reassured that washing your hands after using the bathroom is universally understood- and that posting signs in restaurants are just to keep the customer at ease.

I feel reassured that condoms are 99.9% effective.

I feel reassured that sweatpants will make a wicked comeback.

I feel reassured that bullies will get what they deserve and the bullied will go on to become shallow millionaires.

I feel reassured that alcohol makes me a better dancer and lover.

I feel reassured that duct tape will always remain a handy mans number one tool.

I feel reassured that thin will always be in. And that being healthy will unfortunately not always be the majority of the people’s motivation.

I feel reassured that I can always count on my mother asking “So, are you interested in any new girls these days?”- Even when I’m on the other side of the world.

I feel reassured that armies will continue to patrol the streets with intimidation, rather than candy store owners handing out lollipops.

I feel reassured that outside my school- toy gun salesmen wait hours on end luring students with gimmicks of ‘real loading action and life like sound’.

I feel reassured that movies and video games will continue to morph the youths mind- to where they believe, they too can actually take over the world like Nicolas Cage .

I feel reassured that there will never be a taxi around when I need one and a swarm when I don’t.

I feel reassured that for 99 cents more, I can make my triple burger a quadruple.

I feel reassured that no one knows what I’m thinking- unless they bother to ask.

I feel reassured that thugs are only looking for acceptance.

I feel reassured that I can pick up a novel, and it can take me to a far away place.

I feel reassured that a stray bullet has more bite than a stray dog.

I feel reassured that there are places in this world, where life is not measured by the accumulation of things, but by what we have to offer.

I feel reassured that god could quite possibly have a hot girlfriend.

I feel reassured that nothing can beat a cold beer on a hot day.

I feel reassured that nothing can beat mama’s home cooking.

I feel reassured that Dumb and Dumber will continue to make me laugh when I’m in my hundreds.

I feel reassured that students going into university are too young to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives.

I feel reassured that dreams are never out of reach.

I feel reassured that if I party Thursday, I can always sleep it off Friday after work.

I feel reassured that everyone will be getting laid- while ill undoubtedly be going home alone.

I feel reassured that the ink from my pen will run out, before my mind does of thoughts.

I feel reassured... holy moly... I feel reassured!