working man poems

Its dark but I wake up

Cause I have to work today

Left my bed a mess

Got dressed

To go make minimum wage

And I can’t pay my bills

So my heads always in pain

And while most people get wet

I’m just walking in the rain

Overhauling

Underpaid

Over timing

Minus wage

Over worked

Under fed

Life is over

Die instead

Im a working man

Wake up at the crack of dawn

Im a working man

Clearing brush and moving logs

Im a working man

Pulling levers on the job

Im a working man

And I sing my working songs

Im a working man

Raking leaves up off the lawn

Im a working man

Getting paid to move along

Im a working man

Scolded for doing something wrong

Im a working man

And I’ll be working till I’m gone

                                                Oct 22-10

The tree rambles arched

Aged with aching arms

People passing with lonesome stares

As if they were reliving an unfair childhood memory

“What’s wrong with the tree?”

                                                Oct 21-10

Death is a birch

Suited in harness

And armor

Decked with malicious

Weapons and fueled by pure instinct-

Though molded by rigorous training

                He sinks his teeth into flesh

And with agility and raw power

                Waltz’s his way into position-

Speedily trying his subject into submission

Sparking the ignition-

The chainsaw rev’s with wielding force

                Flesh eating teeth

Hungry for any poor ol’ sap

The stench of burning gasoline

                Stitches together frameworks of fantasy

He enters-

Lifeless limbs hang gnarled

Waiting to be sentenced-

The verdict… guilty!

As the flying chain screams through their flesh-

The noose whips down

Stealing the last breath from his severed limb

The rope is lowered

                Leaving the untying of these limbs-

Only to be dragged off to the wood chipper

                                                                Oct 20-2010

I see my jacket

Hanging from a branch

On a far off tree-

Sitting on the back of the chipper

Its lunch time and

And this Mondays gotten to me

Its those damn 5 hour sleeps-

I can only do them so before im just plain sluggish

That on top of missing my morning coffee

Because my pot never self-brewed when it was supposed too

My sandwich is just alright and I wish I had something tastier

Like another one of those juicy burgers from last night

But nope

Just 5 more hours till im home and I can throw my jacket on the floor

                                                                                Oct 25 2010

Long day blues:

I wake up at a quarter to 7

And roll myself out of the bed

Get picked up by Ty

And drive on the high

Arrive with my eyes heavy as lead

So we load up the trucks for an hour

Then stop at Tim Horton’s for more

Now its 10 by the time

The work bell will chime

And the loads doubled in scores

So we bundle the wood as it rains down

And bring it to the side of the curb

Throw in the chipper

All the bit quicker

While the boss passes by without word

The lunch bell begins to whistle

But I work on through the break

The wheelbarrow moves

And buckets do to

Thanks to the use of a rake

Now that all the woods moved to the front

And just one last step in play

Chip the wood by the curb

In one quick turn

And then well call it a day

Now that all sounds swell and nice

But the machine broke down from the start

The wood piled high

While the clocks ticking by

Breaking the bosses black heart

So now with the word load upon us

And brie with a truck on the way

We wait and we wait

With anger and hate

And can’t wait to finish the day

Were chugging on fumes and were spent

While the work keeps pressing on

The trees are in ties

Were left cut from all sides

While we sing this depressing song

With the clock at just seven

And the work day has finally passed

Cuts on our hands

Already with plans

To go home and sit on my ass

                                                Oct 26 2010

Dave Wilby is a cunt

Imagine a thankless man

A man consumed in himself

To which he cannot see the lives he’s affecting

Nor does he care to-

A man whose sole purpose is to stroke his own ego

A man who threatens your livelihood daily-

A man who abuses his power each morning

A man that uses the weak as a punching bag

A man that abuses his power each morning

A man that uses the weak as a punching bag

A man that is just a plain ol’ cunt-

A man whom I wish to write about no further.

when the leaves fall

Clinging, sucking nourishment

Head held high

The fight

Troopers they are-

Against

                Twisting, winds

                Pelting elements

                Miniature jaws

                And five fingers of youth

But, one by one

                                In sums the hung            

                                                                That clung are strummed

Dancing no longer-

They fall-

                And a severe death awaits

trapped within urban solitude

Trapped within urban solitude

The only child

Walled,

Wedged between mother’s arms and tongue stuck

No. A lie.

My twisted psyche achieving boil

Erupting! War!!

Constance vs. change

I crave the life which I don’t lead

I question the path which I’ve led astray

I need a solution for me to impede

What lay the solution I must question post heed

Need!

Need!

Need!

What do I need?

Beep! Time for change!

the edge

What has rested inside

has grown reckless and tried

encased, enclosed, an enigma a lie

& with a crack that’s timed

it escapes like crime

what seems as weak

is fierce with pride

the light flickers

its bright

it streaks its eyes

It peeks, it squeaks

It takes its time

Its meek it’s blind

With an untested mind

It fends and blends

Within a congested line

At the end it waits

Resting alive

Unknown to what awaits

At the head of the line

Each step is timed

With breathe and sigh

The depth is crept

Each step is mimed

It steps and frets

The head of the line

It sweats and sweats

And lets a sigh

Still unknown

To the test of time

Now second in line

It meets its time

The edge appears

To him and I

I can’t stress

The importance

That rests inside

Its fate’s innate

And must be tried

I wait and wait

Stone faced and writhe

Till it lifts its head

And leapt with pride

Oh no! Oh no!

Please don’t I cry!

It sinks! It sinks

The brink of time

Still sinking

I think

Of the unknown mind

The family the friends

The knowledge of time

Youth and freedom

The feeling sublime

Love and lust

The breakups

The nine

The world,

Discovery

And untapped minds

Language, drugs

Respect and crime

Alone

Together

Entangled in twine

Creation

Destruction

Passion and rhyme

Old age

Death

The test of time

All this passes

In the blink of an eye

But wait! Oh wait

A marvellous cry

It spreads its wings

And learns to fly

It soars and roars

Throughout the sky

Rising

Gliding

Flying so high

It meets my eyes

As it flies on by

And I think to I

It’ll do just fine!

stigmata

I pang of guilt

& hints of Oedipus

Mother’s lone son-

Son with vagabond visions

Uninhibited nature

Pack strapped to endless spine

Sprinting away from mothers empty arms-

Arms that rocked, fed, and groomed the child me

Now weighted with stone that hail upon my family flesh

As if blades replaced spring showers

Moloch!! Unhinged drooling jowl

Starving for the world-

I want to consume the earth

Sinking canines deep into every nook to embrace its full body

Home is not where the heart is-

Rather a stagnant watering hole

Bearing life to short lived moments of no real progression

I fear stability

And the art of normalcy 

Ream and flail my dying carcass

Attach wings to my soul

And traverse through afterlife

I feel no guilt without body

3/19/10

breaking the silence

Breaking the Silence!

His mom knew before he did-

At only four years old

His eyes didn’t see it

Sweet and innocent

With mind retreated

From the evils he would breathe in

Or the demons that would beat him

Or the meaning of defeated

Through all the weekends he’d be pleading

And all the evenings he’s left bleeding

And all the people that would leave him

Are all the reasons he’s left heaving

Chest dressed with heavy breaths

Breathing

Breathing

Depleting

But at only 4 years old

His eyes didn’t see it

Like his sister did

Now a teen growing

More conscious and aware

He was beginning to see the thorn

Before the rosy glare

While his innocence

Eroded from nosy stares

Whispers passed lips

Down the halls he loathed to fare

He couldn’t help the clothes

He chose to wear

He was born inside a body

Of a woman with flowing golden hair

And legs he would scold with Nair

Pearls, painted toes & olden flair

He could have folded his pair

But he played his hand bold and bare

Chest pressed with choking air

Coping

Coping

Floating prayers

And now as a teen

His began to see

What his mother & sister saw

In him when he was wee-

Now employed

And on his own

The hatred grew outside his home

Bathrooms at work

Littered with poems

They called him a fag

And attacked his own

And with cracks of bones

Tongue-lashed over the phone

Blasts thrash like pelting stones

Into the trash he was mentally thrown

But for 33 years

Day after day after day…

he had shown

with his head held high

and his wounds neatly sewn

denying with silence

his cover not blown

within himself,

but low

low

and alone

Now as a man

Whose felt the pain

Whose dealt and dealt

Knelt down and prayed

While mother & sister never felt shame

His father’s bond must be saved

so his lips remain sealed

For another decade

Now a husband

And a dad

His clothes that hung

Now placed in bags

No time for shows

Dressed up in drag

Incomplete

On his chosen path

And like a hand that rose to ask

Should I fold my roaming past?

“NO” retorted back!

“You’re free! Now go at last!’

Well Hell,

Emotions clashed

And choked and gasped

Until divorce was signed

On two broken drafts

So he sat and drove

 to a home that had no past

alone

alone

Black!!

And now as weak

As he’s ever been

He’s lost his kid

To every other weekend

But through all this wind

He never blew his bid

To miss a game

Or gin or kings

But reality is sinking in

And begins to conquer him within

Slinking

Sinking

Drinking wins

And now

40 years into his life

He met a woman

Who would change his pli[ght

A black soul

That stole his light

He became sheltered

And out of sight

Well, we lost touch

But hell that’s life

With swollen fists

I held on too tight

To a pencil

And began to write

I hate you

And that bitch you wifed

Life had

Lost light

Yikes

Now a man at his father’s bed

To open up

And clear his head

He choked out

The life that he’s lead

To come clean

Before lying dead

Expecting reject

his reply instead was

“as long as you’re happy

And a good guy

Why dread

I accept you

My son, my kid

And he cried

And cried

Silence now fed

While I was next

On a drivings rest

He explained himself

With sigh in chest

And before I digest

I say

I accept you

Guy or dressed

Cause I paid Dennis Rodman

The highest respect

I said wry and jest

And a smile crept

And silence left

And now a man

At fiftyish

On his second divorce

To a shifty bitch

Who married

Strictly just to hit it rich

But bit off more

Then she could fit

Into her mouth

That sucked and spit

The bond my father

And I had knit

Over the years

Before they met

But now it’s over

Kaputz

That’s it!

Here today stands a man

At a new frontier

Faced on the streets

Or in a mirror

A man whose head

Is finally cleared

To live open dolled up in gear

It took a lot

Of strength and years

To tear down walls

And find true peers

That earned your trust

And shared your tears

To never

Ever

Silence fear

The end is here!

the secret of happiness

This shopkeeper sent his son out looking for the secret of happiness,

And after forty days wandering and pandering the atlas,

He came across a castle and handpicked it like an apple,

It sat at the top of a mountain and he straddled it very agile,

Well, it was here where the wise man lived,

But instead of a saintly man the bustle of activity gave wind,

To many thoughts and notions conversations stirring the oceans,

Exploding potions, orchestras and commotions, holy Moses!!

As the wise man conversed with everyone in attendance,

The boy had to wait a couple hours just to get his attention,

And once he did, he explained his intentions.

But the wise man didn’t have time for this sort of convention.

Relinquishing, that the secret of happiness took more than just a second,

Though the wise man had an alternative,

Stroll around my castle and adore my home furnishing,

But first, take this teaspoon with oil,

But make sure not to spill a drop along your toils

The boy coiled up the stairs his eyes glared to the spoon,

He dare not drop a drop till he returned to the room,

“Well”, asked the wise man standing.

“Did you see the Persian tapestries hanging?”

“No!”

“What about the hand-crafted garden and the beautiful parchments in my library?”

“No, I’m terribly sorry and embarrassed”

“My only concern was not to be careless, being entrusted with the teaspoon and oil in all fairness”

“Then go back and observe these marvels,

They’re some of the rarest”, implied the wise man.

“I am not to be trusted until you see how my lives been”.

Relieved,

The boy picked up the spoon and resumed pursuing the castle,

The paintings came alive and the garden’s view was magical.

So, the boy returned to the wise man and relayed in detail

paperboy haikus

Each black night I storm

The streets making a dollar

Off propaganda

Roll, band, aim, and toss

The midnight repetition

Lone, freedom, and peace

It’s a free paper

So ill throw it anywhere

I fucking want to

When you open up-

Life becomes very attractive

And you become full

ode to love

My love for her cannot be masked. I watch her- I see her when I close my eyes. She knows my thoughts and how to make me feel good. She has a dream as well and we push each other to our farthest limits to see each other succeed.  We love- and not love in the term of lust- a love that holds a firm grip around your words that you could not begin to express without tears. We laugh. We play. We sit in silence, with smiles as illuminating as the full moon we embrace together.  I endure chills each time I know she’s mine.  I open myself to her and let her in- she accepts.  She’s adventurous, a modern day Columbus. She’s as spontaneous as a kite whipping through the blue sky, her frame outlining her beauty as she dips and dives as gusts of wind make her dance to the music of Mother Nature. She drinks the night in- flowing ever so softly upon returning safely back into my arms.  I hold her. I never want to let her go.

 April 10,2008 groundhog hill

life is poetry

Bound tight by the grips of your sheets- poetry is in motion.

Each step you endure- poetry is in motion.

Every spoonful you shovel- poetry is in motion.

Fluidity & ease to hardships & struggle- poetry is in motion.

Love and the latter,

Giddiness of youth,

Till your steps become halved,

And moustache grey- poetry is in motion

And with wild eyes set upon an eternity, strike the match and burn.

Burn spoiled opportunities. Burn all ill restitution. Burn lingering regret.

Burn, Burn, Burn, Burn, Burn, Burn, Burn

And as you rise from the grips of your sheets- you will find release.

Life is Poetry

layers

I woke interwoven

Beside freshly shed skin

Edging time-

The melting sun

Beating my brows

Even under the grip of night

As if my body encompassed the entire world at once

I am the hands of time

Furiously ticking away- bleeding through the soul of the earth

I follow and create paths;

Leading and lost-

And help blend footprints that link the thens’, here, now and later’s throughout existence

My dreams wake;

Half crashing into the banks

While the rest ripple over the edge

I retreat and find shelter

Within my hardening shell

Only to wake anew

3/19/2010

glover road

I pulled onto Glover road

To eat my palak paneer

A quite country road

Where the sound of chirps

Is heard over the odd car.

The places you end up in life-

Glover Road… eating Indian food.

How random

funk and poetry

Two long nights of funk and poetry-

The crowd absent of you

Is the trigger of my thoughts,

The way the earth’s cycle

Creates the forceful pull and retreat

I too, feel knotted and entangled by the weight

Busy girl, busy girl… My busy girl

Bound by the heavy toll of book

Left stranded choking beneath buried desk

I’m not a teacher

I never expected perfect attendance

I summon a much greater cause-

That of passion

Your report card cannot be checked off in ink

It must be done between sheets- face to face

diary of a single mother

Jan 2, 2007

It feels like yesterday that I was teaching my baby boy to walk. I remember his cute chubby cheeks and big blue eyes.  I remember dressing him in his cute denim jacket and tying his cute little shoes. I used to stare at him while he slept thinking I never wanted him to grow up. And now my baby is moving to Korea.

I’ve been coming home for the past 23 years knowing that my baby was safe and comfortable. I could see him, touch him, kiss him, love him- but now he is going to be on the other side of the world. He’ll be in a strange place where he doesn’t know the language or the culture. He could be in danger and I would never know. I feel helpless; there is nothing I can do.

Jan 3, 2007

Today was the first day without my boy. I sat parked in the driveway crying- knowing there will be silence the second I walk in the door. I won’t hear him say ‘I love you mom’ or ‘can I borrow the car‘. I don’t care if he speeds anymore- I just want him back. I miss his quirky voices- his silly faces and beautiful smile. I miss the way he makes me feel like a better person. I don’t know how I can last a year without him.

Why couldn’t he stay in Canada- get his masters and become a writer and live under his loving mother’s wing till she grows old. I know that might be pushing it, but I am allowed to dream too.

When I was young, you went to school, got a job, and then married. It was an easy formula- you didn’t cross the globe to teach English. That was unheard of! What is it with these kids today that feel like they need to become cultured? I even told him I would buy him a car if he stayed- it wouldn’t have been a new car, that’s out of my price range but a car nonetheless. I would have told my parents that I was moving out, if I knew they would buy me a car. Actually, now that I think of it, they were probably thrilled the day I moved out.

But no, my son has had his heart set on this for the past 4 years. I always thought it would pass. He has come up with so many ideas, plans, adventures and journeys- that always in the back of my mind I thought this would just become another crazy idea. But as time went on the idea only got stronger and stronger and well… now it’s no longer an idea- but reality.

                                                           

Jan 10, 2007

A week has gone by now since he left and it’s quieter than ever. I’ve been trying to keep busy with friends and the dog to take my mind away from being alone. Karma is a great help- so young and playful. I walk her every night and she gives me the biggest puppy kisses. I wonder if she misses her big brother as much as I do. I wonder if she will recognize him when he gets back- that will be weird to see.

I talked to my baby this week and he is having an unbelievable time. I don’t know how he does it. He just picks up his life and moves somewhere unfamiliar and he somehow becomes a part of it. He is having the time of his life.

One thing that scared me was when I read in one of his blogs that he climbed a mountain the other day.  Though when he climbed down he mistakenly ended up on a military course where there was a mannequin with bullet holes in it and a tower with shooters. This boy is going to give me a heart attack and there is nothing I can do about it. If something happens to him- I will kill myself. He is my heart. Please God don’t let anything happy to my baby boy, he is precious and I couldn’t go on.

But with that said, I know good will happen- he is living his dream.

                                                           

Feb 3, 2007

I just got word that he finished his contract and is going to go backpacking through Thailand. What a life he is living. I feel as though I am living my life vicariously through his. I love hearing his stories. He has such a gift for telling stories and lighting up the lives of others.

I can picture him in the living room with all of his friend’s playing cards- chatting and laughing away- while I’m in the kitchen baking for the boys. Those were some of my happiest times. If I could bake full time- now that would be my dream. I’ve really been baking a lot and trying to get my business on the go again. Baking is my one true passion,-if I could get out of optics and turn ‘hugs and quiches’ into something big, that would be amazing. I’ve been working at a job I hate for the last 30 years, it’s about time for a break.

                                                           

Feb 4, 2007

My baby the world traveler! Wow the stories he shares. He has done more in his life than I have in mine and he is half my age- this doesn’t seem fair. He has been contacting me about once or twice a week when he is around a computer. I check my email about 10 times a day waiting for emails- when I get one I can sleep comfortable knowing that he is safe. It still makes me nervous with him gone- these countries are not safe and my baby is a risk taker. I know he is smart but sometimes he likes to have too much fun. I just hope he stays out of trouble.

                                                           

Feb 5, 2007 

I told him about this party going on in Thailand called The Full Moon Party in Koh Phangan, and he just got back from it. He wrote me a letter about it…..

Sounds like a blast.

                                                             

Mar 5, 2007

So my baby is back in Korea and safe. I was worried that he might get in trouble. In Thailand along the Malaysian border there are Muslim terrorists at war- that is the last place my little mashugana needs to be.

He ran into some complications with his visa. He went to Thailand in the first place to get his working visa for Korea, but it never arrived. So, his boss cancelled his return flight and booked him another- two weeks later. Some life.

           

            ‘No… stay in Thailand two more weeks and

            soak in the sun, lie on the crystal beaches

            and get messages all day- that sounds horrible’

             

When the visa didn’t arrive- he flew back to Korea on a tourist visa and waited a day until the documents came through. His boss then flew him to Japan -all expenses- to cover all legal actions. And now he is getting settled at his new job at Bambini. My baby the teacher- the kids are going to love him.

                                                             

Apr 15, 2007

  

It’s been about four months now since he left and life is normal at home. I work- come home to wet puppy kisses and start baking. I play poker on weekends and visit my parents in Buffalo. I feel connected to my baby even though he’s on the other side of the world. We keep in touch through email and webcam. Technology is truly an amazing thing- it’s like he’s right here in the room with me.

I don’t think I could have went without seeing my baby if we didn’t stay in touch through the computer. Anyways, I’ve accepted the fact he is gone, and I look forward to sending him packages with all my baked goodies. He is probably sick of eating bugs and live octopus by now.

                                                           

May 7, 2007

Lou and I have been talking and I think I am going to come to visit him in Korea in September. I am going to have to start saving big time. But this will give me a great opportunity to see into the life of my baby- see his house, friends and his cutie Asian students.

                                                           

May 28, 2007

We haven’t talked in some time now- I always miss him on the computer and I am having the hardest time with the area code and which number to dial. You have to drop the 0(zero) or take off a 1 and add a 0(zero). I don’t know- it’s just really confusing- and some woman keeps answering the phone and speaking in Korean. Maybe it’s his new girlfriend and she’s trying to steal my baby from me. That bitch!

I will tell you one thing; he is not marrying a Korean girl and moving over there. I draw the line there- I don’t care if she moves to Canada but there is no way in hell he is

going to live in Korea.

Please don’t let him want to live in Korea!!!

                                                           

Jun 22, 2007

So… Lou started dating a Korean clothing designer. I always get confused with the girls he dates- every week it’s a different girl. I hope he doesn’t break her heart. If she makes my baby is happy, I guess I’ll like her.

It’s funny though, whenever I ask him “What is she like?” He always says the same thing “cool”. Everyone’s cool. I’ve heard ‘she’s cool’ about 100 times. Well at least it doesn’t sound like love. I hope I don’t have any Asian grandchildren running around soon.

Baby please be smart and safe during sex- I’m not ready to be a grandma. I’m too young to be a grandma.

                                                           

Jul 9, 2007

I have managed to put $1500 aside for my trip to Korea- I am getting so excited. Lou said that I can come in the class and help teach for 2 day with him. We are going to a cooking course and ill just get to watch my baby in action.

I’ve seen so many pictures of those little sweethearts- little Annie and chubby cheek Sally… Awwwww such cuties.

Those kids are going to be heart broken when the year is over. Lou has been talking about quitting and starting a contract at another school. He can never finish anything. I think it is important for him to honor his contract and stick it out for complete the year. I’ve talked to the whole family and they all agree. I know he will make the right decision.

           

                                   

Jul 28, 2007

I just sent my baby a package for his birthday- he has been begging me for this drum machine thingy, called the Dr. Boss 880 – or something like that. I was on eBay searching day and night for the best one. It should be arriving at his school just in time for his birthday.

I can’t believe he will be 24- boy does time fly. It’s like I blinked and his whole life has gone by. If I could have him back when he was just a little baby and relive all his moments again- I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’d even go through child birth again. And we all know what wonders that does to the stretch lines. Oh, to be young again!!

My baby is the best thing that ever came out of my marriage. And now he’s all grown up- a world traveler- I’m so proud of him. I just know good things will come of him.

I don’t know what… but he is destined for greatness.

                                                           

Aug 17, 2007

I just got off the webcam with my sweetie pie and today he’s 24. Well, technically he will be in 14 hours- but who’s counting.

He went to an all you can eat-all you can drink restaurant for his birthday today with his girlfriend and friends and he said he had a blast. They threw ice cream and cake all over him. I hope he didn’t get too drunk. I’ve heard stories where kids have died on their birthday from having consumed too much alcohol. I’m still a worrying parent even though he’s on the other side of the world.  

He told me the package arrived today- and he got all the goodies and the drum machine, I even sent him a lava lamp he’s been dying to have.

I swear that boy is a hippy- always with his incents and lava lamps. It takes me back to my bellbottom days. Oh, the summer of love- long hair, unforgettable music, and uninhibited freedom.

My boy even has the same style in music as I do. I love it when he plays his Fleetwood Mac lp- Stevie Nicks singing Dreams takes me way back. And Traffic‘s- John barleycorn must die it’s like I’ve travelled back in time.

I remember when he came home with a Nirvana c.d. when he was about 12 years old and I made return it- because it had a parental advisory sticker. But then I listened to it, and I began to really like it- so we would sing the songs together on our drives to Buffalo or the grocery store.

Speaking of driving, I’m going to be riding on the back of Lou’s motorbike all around Korea. Talk about an experience. I am psyched but a little nervous- I mean driving in Asia. I’ve heard about the horror stories. I know he will be the best tour guide though. He has taken over that country- I bet he knows that country like the back of his hand.

Anyways 39 days till I see my baby. I am going to give him the biggest hug in the world. I don’t think I will be able to keep my eyes off of him- I will be staring at him while he sleeps. I am so excited.                                                                                                                     

Aug 29, 2007

Three weeks till I’m in Korea running into my boys arms.

I’ve got so much to do up until then- I feel like there are not enough hours in the day. I’m either; working, baking or playing with the puppy. I hope Larry can watch Karma.  It will nice to have a vacation. But I think I will be so busy on the vacation by the sounds of it- I will need a vacation to relax from my vacation. I’m glad I booked the day off after I get back from Korea to rest.  Three more weeks!

Sept 17, 2007                         

                         

Monday- I drove to Buffalo after making many Karma arrangements- Lynn, Sue, Edwin- everyone is helping out to make me stress free for my trip. The big countdown from 88 days and here I am.

Larry (my ex-husband) was planning on surprising me with a bon voyage party, but I had an optical seminar- so I had to cancel.

I got together for lunch, coffee and dinner with all my friends- they are about as excited as I am,knowing how terribly I miss Louis. I can’t believe I am going to Korea. I can’t wait to get off the plane and hug him to death.

                                                           

I am sitting at the airport in Atlanta awaiting my 15 hour flight… ugh!

Last night the whole family took me out for dinner at Red Robin- I was quite nervous thinking about luggage weight, transferring, being on time etc.

My sister Diane drove me to Buffalo airport- and now here I am sitting with a bunch of Koreans that I will be spending the next 15 hours of my life with.

                                                           

Sept 18, 2007  continued on flight… arriving   Sept 19, 2007

The flight is amazing. The plane is empty and I have three seats to myself; 3 pillows, 3 blankets and 3 meals- that’s the last thing I need, more food. I ordered a vegetarian meal- so decadent. I even have my own TV with movies and HBO.

The plane landed and now its 14 hours ahead- technically it’s September 19^th, being that its 14 hours ahead and a 15 hour flight I jumped a day.

I followed a Korean lady to catch a bus to Anyang then I got off at Beomgye station- 5 minutes later Lou rode up on his motorbike and- Oh my God!- I wrapped my arms around him like a big fuzzy bear would spotting a jar of sweet golden honey. 

We took a cab to his place with the luggage after locking his motorbike up. It was pouring rain- because of serious monsoons in China. The taxi arrived at his house minutes later.

I brought some goodies and we reminisced as he opened his presents. We got ready to go out for dinner, then headed to this great big market area in Beomgye; neon lights, outdoor restaurants, vendors- selling sushi, produce, toys anything you could name.

We went to this great restaurant for duk galbi, a mixture of cabbage, and other fermented vegetables, a spicy red chili sauce,  duk (which is chicken) and melted cheese, which has just been recently introduced to Korea- I ate it without the duk.

We shopped at a large underground grocery store- very authentic- where Korean women were dressed in traditional dresses (hanboks) which were bright and colorful. We then picked up Lou’s motorbike and drove back home to chill before we went bowling with his friends.

We bowled 3 games and had so much fun. Lou really has a great group of friends. Everyone was so nice I fit in with them all.

It’s now 1:11 am and I haven’t slept in 31 hours so I am going to sleep. I have to wake up in 7 hours to teach with Lou.

Sept 20^th, 2007

It was a great day at school with Louis- the kids love him, he has so much fun with the kids.  I got very emotional when Sharon, Lois and Bram was playing on the school radio- it brought me back to when Lou was a child- and now he’s teaching them.

The people at school were very friendly- everyone welcomed me. The kids even called me Louis Mommy Teacher.

You don’t wear shoes at school- everyone changes into slippers- just a little fact.

After school we shopped a bit then went home to nap. We decided to go to Itaewon in Seoul- the foreign Mecca- for dinner. It was raining outside but we managed to get a table under an umbrella.

We were eating pizza when this drunken guy came over and wanted to sit and smoke- we told him he could sit but not smoke. He went into details about his wife and how the police are searching for him about domestic abuse- crazy- then Lou took his picture- also crazy. The guy freaked out, grabbing Lou’s beer bottle and raised it as to hit him in the head.

He was screaming “what did you take the picture for? What did you take the picture for?” So Lou deleted the picture- what a nut. He really scared me for a while. He finally left and we booted it home on his motorbike in the pouring rain.

Louis figured the guy was in the American military and didn’t want to get in trouble with us having his picture- makes sense. It was a good night, but a weird and memorable one.

Sept 21^st, 2007

Today is the last day of school before Chuseok- the Korean thanksgiving. The kids came to school dressed in their hanboks and we made dumplings with raisins and brown sugar- also a traditional food.

We took them for a walk to the market to buy them veggies and bread so we could make the kids Canada’s traditional meal- spaghetti.

Because of the holiday the kids had their pictures taken and played games. We served them lunch- ugh! I don’t know how they can eat that stuff. Tony didn’t like the pasta- but he sure went to town on those fish heads.

I said “Hi, Honey” to the kids the first day and the kids thought it was a riot. I’m really going to miss little Annie and chubby faced Sally and Eunice- oh she was so cute acting as the mom of the class.

The school presented me with a gift for helping out- bowed and thanked me. What a respectful country.

After school we went to Costco- I know what you are thinking, ‘a Costco in Korea‘- but it’s very metropolitan in Korea, they have everything you can think of- from Starbucks and Outback to Pizza Hut and Burger King ( yes, I understand these are all restaurants- what can I say ’I love food’).

On the way home we drove around a lake that was surrounded by funky, nouveau fusion restaurants. We stopped to take pictures and went to a market to pick up fruit for blender drinks at Lou’s dinner party tonight. All his friends are bringing over vegetarian dishes because they know I don’t eat meat- how sweet.

It’s now 3:30 am- Louis is sleeping and that’s what I am about to do. What a night- so much fun but exhausted.

Sept 22^nd, 2007

Woke up late-ish and Louis made spicy egg and cheese croissants. I saddled up on his motorbike and we took off for the day around noon and headed to Seoul to visit Namdaemun market- 1000’s of vendors selling underwear to silkworms down narrow winding roads, draped in electrical wires, wafts of fragrant bouquets of meat, colorful people, and oh those treacherous silkworms.

We cruised the alleys for quite some time- which was an amazing experience- before heading back to Itaewon for a western lunch. We stopped at one of Lou’s favorite joints ‘Smokey Saloon’ for burgers- I had the fish and chips being a vegetarian.

After lunch we went across the street to a very modern Californian bar ‘Bungalow’s and had a drink. The bar was laid out in levels with different rooms bedded with sand- it was like relaxing on the beach. Swinging chairs hung from the ceiling, large block candles set the mood, as funky beaded chandeliers canopied our heads.

I ordered a margarita and Lou had a Hoegarden- he made me guess what he had planned for later in the evening- like I had any clue; we could be eating live octopus for all I know- Please no!!

We dusted the sand out between our toes and got back on his bike and drove to this artsy side of town complemented by an old stone fortress.  I still had the slightest of clues as to what we were going to do.  All of a sudden we turned a corner and a big neon sign lit up the sky “Nanta”- where the hell are you taking me, I prodded Lou.

I soon found out it was a high energy play about Korean cooking. We sat roughly 10 rows in and perfectly centered with the stage- I had no clue what to expect. It turned out to be really funny and interactive with the whole crowd, nothing that I can really pinpoint, it was just an overall fun atmosphere. We left laughing and I was left with a permanent smile the rest of the evening. I always have a fun time with Lou, he is totally my son we have such a similar sense of humor. Well, after a beautiful ride over the Seoul Bridge, we stopped for a pizza topped with corn and sweet potato??????? What kind of country is this? When the pizza was finished we drove it back to Lou’s house and put on a movie while talking about plans for the next week, and fell asleep after a long day of unexpected fun.

Sept 23-28, 2008

The next week kind of just flew by, being that we didn’t stop moving for even one minute. The days all seemed to blend together- starting with day trips to the artsy district of Insadong and Jongno.

The cobble streets stirred with a colorful commotion of locals and foreigners alike shopping or eating in one of the hundreds of little shops selling traditional Korean goods. The streets were a feast for the eyes, I could see why Lou loves this area- I could spend all day sitting with a coffee staring at all the walks of life that pass by.

Lou took me to another Duk Galbi joint; this one was located down a bustling alley lined with art deco oversized piano that swallowed the lane. The restaurant was delicious, and once again I picked out the chicken of my meal- have to stay strong.

We hit two other market areas named Myong Dong and Dongdaemun.

Myong Dong was more of a fashionable area- that boasted shop after shop of beauty stores and tiny Korean sized clothing boutiques, but still had that wandering smell of bondaegee- oh how I loathe that smell. Dongdaemun had more of a second hand, flee market feel to it- but was still amusing and I managed to find a cozy triple XL LRG sweater. I can just picture taking Karma for it on a cool fall night, or lying on the couch on a snowy night draped in it.

New day

One day I’ll never forget for the rest of my life was renting bicycles around Yeouido Park. Lou and I rented these antique bikes, and cruised along the Han River on such a glorious day that whatever we did- being that it was such a beautiful day only made it that more special. We followed the path along the river passing, the unbelievable skyline that graced the other side, fields of children at play, couples and families coasting past us on their rented bicycles and vendors selling that damn bondaegee everywhere.  We entered a tunnel and came out on the adjacent side and were situated in the centre of a little park surrounded by skyscrapers.

The park was stocked with a pond with ducks and fish gorging on the influx of breadcrumbs and fish-food. The park was also home to a statue of the creator of Hangeul, the Korean written and spoken language- we took a few pictures before finding a pathway embedded with rocks acting as a healthy alternative treating pressure points in the foot, known as reflexology.

We took turns walking around- let’s just say that it might have been the next most unpleasant thing to giving birth and eating bondaegee.

After returning the bikes I needed a bite to eat and I was not in the mood for anything Korean- so I forced Lou to go to Outback.  

Oh, how I love those blooming onions. So we hopped onto the motorbike and took a journey to the closest Outback. Can you believe it, the only thing I was craving and it was out of stock- go figure, we are in Korea.

Being that I was now in the mood, we ventured to another Outback. This time we were luckier as we sat down and ordered our meals, while stuffing our faces with loaf after loaf of delicious warm bread and my first ‘real’ American meal.

New day

Today was particularly special, considering the magnitude of our trip. Today we endeavored to the North Korean border of Panmunjeon, and hiked into an infiltration tunnel that led to South Korea. This was a first for Lou and I, which was great for us to share this moment together. 

It was really something out of this world. We got to the border and took pictures into the barren land of North Korea; the only thing visible through the mountains was a flag that jutted out of the earth standing over 100 feet tall. All the border guards were armed with guns and you could just feel the tension.

Following that we got back onto the bus and made our way to

the third tunnel. We all got decked out in yellow hats and sunk ourselves into the earth; my legs felt like jello trying to walk out of it. Once we reached the bottom, which seemed like a mile deep, we walked through this little passageway that led us further and further to the border of North Korea, but from underneath the earth. What an adventure, I can’t believe the experience were having.

On the bus ride back, our tour guide told us about a friend of hers that escaped from North Korea by swimming to China. We don’t even know how good we have it. Seeing something like this really makes you appreciate your life and everything that we have- we are so fortunate.

A funny little side note; our trip was to include a visit to a gem factory, but instead they took us to a dealership. At least it is a story to talk about.

New day

Today is the last day of my trip and I’m heading back to Canada in a few hours. Words cannot express how proud I am of Lou, and how unbelievably sad I am that I won’t be seeing him for another 6 months. I value our time so much, and it feels like time is just flying by like the wind. I hope we stay touch as much as we did his first semester.

Well, I better prepare myself I have a 30 hour journey to the other side of the world. Boy, am I not looking forward to this.

November 3, 2007

I am finally back to my reality and finished suffering from jetlag and am once again in my routine of work and taking care of the puppy.

It feels surreal that I was just in Korea with Lou and then I got on a plane and ‘presto’, I’m back in Canada. Well, I don’t know how to put it, but as much my heart is breaking that I am away from Lou- I finally understand why he needed to do this.

Ever since he started university I heard him speak of travelling overseas to teach, and I always thought it was just a phase and that it would pass. At least I hoped it would pass, but I never really gave it too much thought because it was years away. Though as time passed his mind just got stronger and with that my mind began to wander. What would life be like without my baby?

What will I do without him?

He doesn’t need me anymore I thought. I raised him to the man he is today; through birth, changing diapers, a divorce, raising him single handedly, through seven houses, birthday parties, bar mitzvah, car accidents, girlfriends and sleepovers, vacations to Puerto Rico and Las Vegas, drugs and alcohol discussions, all the while having a roof over his head, more than enough food in his belly, clothes on his back, and a university degree.

But what I have learned throughout the past 24 years is that, I have slowly been instilling myself, my wisdom, everything that I have learned from my parents and everything I have learned throughout my trials, and have molded Louis in that same light- a positive and loving light- and now Louis is the embodiment of everything that I am, what my family is and so much more.

I have done everything I could to have brought Louis up the same as families with two parents- and the truth is I think he came out better than most of them. Which is why after seeing him in Korea, teaching those little cuties, living comfortably in his own apartment, riding his own motorbike, and showing me around town, and doing everything with love and such an appreciation and passion towards life- I now know that this was the best thing to happen to him. And it’s not that I’ll ever stop worrying or caring for my baby, but I now can truly see that he has his head on his shoulders and love in his heart, and anything he wants to do in this world is his for the taking. And the best thing to come from all this- is that now it is giving me a chance to see places of the world that I would have never thought of going had it not been for Louis. And every step along the way I will be right there by his side.