starting fresh

I’ve tried

I’m done wasting my time

I need to spend some more

On me myself and I

No need to read between the lines

Or seek deeper in my eyes

I’m on my own path now

No feet squeaking from behind

spotlight comedy night

We all have friends that claim they’re funny.  You know the routine “Hey, you have to hear this joke- So, this proctologist and a donkey…. Ahhh, forget it”. We’ve all heard it before; anyone can tell a joke, but a soul that lives and breathes comedy is a little harder to come by, which is why Spotlight Comedy Club was formed. This is not your ordinary Comedy Club in Korea- meaning you’re not going to see your roommate or drunken next door neighbour up on stage. What Spotlight Comedy Club does is reel in professional comedians from all over the world to bring you the funny.  September 26^th is going to be Spotlights’ 5^th event since its creation in 2007- with the company of Australia’s uproarious Jonathan Atherton and America’s stronghold Terry Johnson AKA THE REAL TJ performing 40 minutes apiece. These two comedians have over 40 years in the game and have a resume that spans the globe. Multi-tongued Lonely Planet star Atherton is owner of two comedy clubs in Singapore and Kuala Lumpur where he feeds audiences with his sexual blend of multiculturalism. While, The REAL TJ’s career boasts writing for In Living Colour and Harlem Globe Trotter hype-man MC. The two of them have shared stages many times prior, but this will be their first time in Korea, and they are looking forward to spreading some love. The evening is going to be a riot, and also a rarity, as it is Itaewon’s first comedy show performed underneath the night sky. With a rooftop venue accommodating 150 seats, be sure you are one with a ticket, so you are waiving it in your friends face and not vice versa. The doors open at 7:30 which will give you plenty of time to throw back a dozen beers before the show starts at 8:30. Reserve your tickets by emailing Spotlight founders Bernard Hughes and Kristie Bromenshenk at spotlightcomedyclub@yahoo.com.  

pre korea

It all started when my friend Cheryl received a call from a recruiter in South Korea about teaching English. I was sitting on her couch and I shouted out “tell him I want a job”.  She did and I ended up in South Korea  one month and 30 hours later, walking around the Inchon terminal immersed in a new world, alone and stood up by that same recruiter.

An hour had passed before arriving as my name rang over the speakers “Rouis, to gate 7”. Alex was finally here. He stood out, being the other only other foreigner at gate 7. And there I was looking for a middle aged Korean man through a busy airport the whole time. We boarded a bus, to which I now know was heading to Seoul, and I am told that I will be staying the night at the director of the English camps apartment. Alex turns out to be a nice guy, not that I doubted him (too much), and made me feel welcome as he filled me in on the history of the buildings we were passing- like hooters and outback.

Night was closing in, giving and entirely new perspective on the city, than day.  The city was covered with millions of shining lights, making Las Vegas look like snow globe.  We arrive at the boss’s house and I am greeted by his whole family; little Christina, healthy sized Chris, and his adorable wife Yun. Christina brought my backpack to my room, and I am shown the house and told to make myself feel at home. I sat in the living-room as Yun prepared me a traditional Korean meal.  It was my first taste of real Korean food aside from the flight there. 

The kids and I sat by my computer and used the webcam to talk to my mother back in Canada- I was told to get some rest because we had a long day driving across the country to Busan, which is in the south, of South Korea. I retire to my room, and due to the time difference, being 13 hours ahead, I couldn’t get to sleep, so I sat awake writing about my adventure so far. 

The next morning, I had rice for breakfast before packing my bags and leaving for the terminal. I said goodbye to the kids and gave them both some Canadian coins to remember me by. The boss and I left his apartment and made our way through the city, giving me just enough time to be lost in it all. I could not believe the excitement of the city. I have always tried to walk into new experiences without expectations, so that I am ready for anything. So aside from knowing Korea was in Asia and that it had one of the biggest cities in the word, I hadn’t the slightest clue of what Korea was going to be like. I just knew that it was going to be different, and that I was ready for a change.

We arrive at the terminal around 9 am, giving me time to indulge in my first Korean beer Hite-(pronounced hi-tuh).  If you are thinking “I can’t believe he had a beer at 9 am”, just remember that my body was running on a schedule of 13 hours ahead, so technically it was 10 pm which is a totally legitimate time to enjoy a beer. Enough being said, we boarded the bus and embarked on a country wide trip, which only lasted around 5 hours. We finally reached Busan after a long stretch of highway and some pit-stops in some small rural towns.

The countryside was beautiful- trees dotted the mountains where workers tended their plots of produce. We finally reached Busan and pulled up to a building embedded mountainside. So here we go I thought, this is my new home, let’s check it out.

I made my way to the 3^rd floor and walked into a room of about 10 foreign teachers and 10 Korean assistants, bustling about a conference room littered with computers.  I greet everyone and am partnered up with a Korean assistant named Hakeem, a fun loving, graffiti artist, in his mid 20’s. It seems like a great environment and it is well prepared, with supplies for teaching and for the students. We are briefed on how school is going to run the next morning when the students arrive and we all board the bus to find out where we are staying.  The bus comes to a stop down a dodgy little alley, as we get out of the bus; we are guided to our new abode for the next month. I soon find out that it is a love motel, looks like I am in for one hell of a time.  

sungha jung

Walking into Itaewon’s Urban bar I overheard two musicians talking about Sungha, “I wish I could play like this kid when I was his age” one said. “I wish I could play like this kid now” said the other- and this couldn’t be closer to the truth as I witness the 12 year old legend-in-the-making Sungha Jung wail away on his acoustic guitar to Michael Jackson’s Billy Jean.

It goes without saying that he’s not your average Nintendo DS enthusiastic preteen with nearly a million hits on YouTube- revamping the classics of Stevie Wonder, The Beatles, Eric Clapton, Simon and Garfunkel, Bob Marley and Nirvana; just to name a few. Sungha’s been shredding through every ounce of music he can get his hands on. 

Growing up listening to his father’s 60’- 70’s pop collection is where his journey began. At 9 he picked up the guitar emulating his father and began as any beginner does- basic chords, scales, tuning and of course repetition.  Soon he began taking lessons and shortly after that he embarked on teaching himself the art of finger-style. When Sungha couldn’t get the tabs for a song he would study it by his dedicated ear. With a passion that has driven him to practice (on average) 4 hours a day it is easy to hear why Sungha has been receiving so much hype.  Now, he learns and rebuilds songs in as little as two days and posts his videos on YouTube.

This is where things began to blossom for Sungha. His videos began to spread like seedlings in a windblown tree and scattered across the land- reaching the right hands and taking fruition.  German guitarist Ulli Bogershausen was one of those hands that instantly became admirers of Sungha’s talent. The two have been in contact ever since and has even played a concert in Frankfurt, Germany with Ulli.  When I mentioned his name, Sungha’s eyes lit up “It was amazing playing with Ulli. He is my musical inspiration”. In fact, Sungha has performed with many of the guitarists he admirers and studies- like Japan’s Katori Oshio and Austria’s Thomas Leeb.

Sungha like most children attend school, but what he does outside of it is shaping his future. Always remaining poised and humble- Sungha played Masaak Kishebe’s Rainy window at the premiere of 2007’s August Rush. And while most students perform presentations in school- Sungha has performed at a concert at Jamsil Stadium in front of a crowd of 8000. This only adds to his list of live performances, concerts abroad, and guest appearances on television.

As much as he enjoys recreating his favourites, Sungha also composes and arranges his own music with 8 originals to date.  I asked him where a 12 year old gets his inspiration- he explained to me through his interpreter that having been able to play and build friendships with his mentors, has intensely added to his drive and passion- composing Missing You upon Thomas Leeb’s departure and Voyages with Ulli after being taken under his wing.

Now jamming with America’s Trace Bundy in the corner of Itaewon’s Urban amidst a room full of photographers, he embraces it all like a veteran, nodding his head and cracking a smile after each melodic journey. Just shy of 13 and already 4 years into the game there is no showing what echelon he will be setting the standards for- because right now he is too busy living his dream. If you want to check out, learn more, or follow this incredible guitarist- you can rock out to his nostalgic collection and incendiary originals on www.myspace.com/jungsungha.

                                                            6/28/09

raef

Raef is a 38 year old local 1^st degree brown belt transvestite karate instructor with a degree in hotel management, who also teaches a few evening business courses at the local high school from some online courses he took. Raef uses his minimal business knowledge to keep his sinking karate classes afloat. Like we’ve already stated that during day he runs pretty basic classes at his dojo, but by night she likes to grind it out on the dance floor. Raef loves reggaeton even with her narrow hips. Unfortunately these days he can no longer break bricks and her tight body has been replaced with one that is not. Coming from a small town of roughly 25,253 people, word spreads faster than Raef’s legs when the yummy falafel boy bats an eye. All the teachers at school have either seen him out at a club or getting after hours falafels at the town’s only ethnic restaurant, but by day he suits up and heads to school and acts as if he’s not leading a double life.

rained in

The fierce rain has halted my departure and I think of how many obstacles have been unmasked within the hinds of nature’s untamed jurisdiction. How many people have faced chaos, upheaval, and devastation only to charge in chin-high?

A little rain has come in between me and my job, because I don’t want to teach drenched in rags. Where do I draw a line between getting soaked and showing up for work late? Now is my reply; for it appears to be growing stronger with age. I will not charge this downpour like a soldier into battle, but rather unheroically cower with crouched shoulders enduring the heavy blows of nature’s fists.

                                                                                                             Stuck in mcdonalds Korea, apkujeong

random thoughts about korea

When the world around me sleeps- I create.

______________________________________________________________

Forcing thoughts

Force I not

Unfortunately,

I forgot

_______________________________________________________________

The clanging tongue

Knows not best,

To those who speak

When they should rest

As I write-

I am sitting ‘cross from a shaken man.

His fists clenched

Around his cell phone,

Mumbling foreignly under his breath,

Checking the time,

Eyeing his bag-

Then as if a fuse was lit

I watched as the wick ignited

And snaked its way through his body

His eyes now swolle’

Shifted from his bag to his watch

Trembling began to brew in his breath

Coinciding with motioning

His cell phone to his ear

With his shuddering hand-

The fire that he unleashed danced through thin air

Magically un-harming bystanders in its path

                                                            Arriving hastily

On the receiving end

Engulfing the reciprocate

In flames

rewriting history

My fingers bear ink

And wreak havoc on formal print

Upon sight a menacing spasm corrupts rights

Legislatives lay slain

Ignited by spite

Parchments parish to paragraphs

Like the Twin Towers from terror acts

rhymey rhymes

I don’t fight crime

I write rhymes in the night time

Till the light shine

With a right mind

Stay higher than a kite fly

Till the bright resigns

Put up a fight

Your outa your right mind

Mc’s think their tight

Only thing that’s tight

Is their wife’s behind

I stay fly

Your too high off them white lines

ritchie- unfinished randomness

Richie’s turning 30 in 2 months and has been on the run for the past 7 years. He’s hid out in the mountains of Nepal, escaped South Korea’s powerful police force, trekked through the Peruvian highlands and paddled the thick, chocolaty, Amazon on a little wooden canoe, dodging Caymans, with nothing but an oar and a flashlight. I was with him the day he got bit on the nipple by a piranha, he wouldn’t stop talking about it- it hurt him so much that even his sun-faded dress shirt was too sensitive.  Richie always wore collared shirts no matter the heat, always a collar.   

His grandmother always told him “put on a collared shirt, you might meet a nice Jewish girl”. Neither Richie, nor his grandmother were Jewish, and this always questioned him about his grandmother. But, growing up he always wore collared shirts, even when going to the supermarket to pick up a french baguette, he would spend at least 30 minutes trying to find the right shirt for the day.

The reason he always likes to look nice, is because he believes that each and every time he walks past his front door, he is throwing himself into a life altering decision. 

Hoped he met a nice Jewish girl.

Richie and Art became great friends and spent 2 years of their lives together travelling the globe getting into the craziest of stories, that one could only dream, or to have dreamed up. In their time together they both had women in and out of their lives

And were both really living with the concept that they were always on the move and with that comes the sacrifice of never letting yourself time to get to know someone.  This bothered them both greatly and had many discussions weighing the toll it takes on ones soul vs. the pleasure of having complete and total freedom- obviously you know by know which lifestyle got hit out of the park each time: Homerun freedom 11 times out of 10:

That’s what he thought and at least believed that he loved for said time now.

Richie bid me farewell and left the same day by boat from the Galapogos Islands preparing to arrive home in time for his parent’s anniversary. His parents were celebrating their 30 anniversary in style, making reservations at an upscale sushi house- word has it, that the chef flew to China to learn new, fresh techniques in the art of sushi. Before bringing it back to my homeland.

Now this would be all well and good, the only quip being that, Richie’s parents haven’t been together in the past 22 years- not even a smidgen, in fact Richie's father remarried and divorced a second time, while his mother dated a little but every guy turned out to be gay, talk about a happy ending.

Richie meets a girl on the plane

Richie meets a girl at the bagel deli

Richie meets a girl taking his parents dog for a walk in the woods, while he is home

Only for a short time before returning to Asia to pursue his career in photography, he has

to decide whether she’s worth “settling down” for or if he’ll keep on running. And the worst part of it is, who to settle down with- Richie fell in love easy and had met a lovely girl traveling abroad that he was also interested in- what to do?

I try to convince Richie to stay, because he is a great friend and I need him, we have been on some amazing journeys and we got along so well. Richie needs me, he is too indecisive and when he asks me what to do, I am going to lure him back to Asia, and away from this girl. Meanwhile, Richie had gone out with woman a handful more times and each time they ended up sleeping at one another’s house, but only drenched themselves in the art of conversation- they had amazing discussions on life, and what it holds, they shared the same taste in music, and even held their own stock of independence. Richie drove to her house one morning and they spent the day taking a tour of ginger’s home town- Richie finally had some good time to get to know ginger, and they talked and shopped all day. They went back to the house after a long day, and ginger left to go for a run, Richie knowing ginger was a free spirit thought nothing of this, and used this time to make a checklist of things that he needed to take responsibility about in his life.  Richie really liked this girl ginger and on a list of 9 things he needs in his life he was going to put ginger down as number 10- making reference to gingers note on the fridge of things that she had to do today, where Richie was number 10. Richie thought this would be an exciting way to start a relationship, anyways, they flirted enough, and he wanted to know her intentions.  Richie nervous of the decision, and knowing that this is a life altering decision, gets scared out of writing it. Just then ginger comes running into the house, making her way to the kitchen, she comes and hugs Richie. Richie laughed, jokingly pushing ginger away “ awww your dripping, get away from me”.

This went on for a little bit before talking about making dinner, they decided on greek salad with garlic bread- they soon began preparing it, but ginger had not showered, she loom the kitchen with a sticky glow, Richie backing away from making a comment.

They sat down to eat, while putting on a movie, and ate before Richie soon fell asleep.

Richie asks me for my opinion on his dilemma, giving me a slimy opportunity to tell him to dump the broad and come back to an amazing lifestyle abroad, where he can have any woman he wants: I often quote myself saying “ I love home, but what I love even more, is being abroad”- Everyone always laugh when I say that, I think it probably hits home for a lot of people. But what I mean is that, the world is so big and I just want to see every square inch of it, and doing that with Richie has been some of the most amazing times in my life that I don’t think I can lose it. I will do anything to get Richie to leave the girl and come travel with me, we’ve talked of so many plans- I get excited just thinking about it. We are going to start a business up one day in Colombia providing a tourism company, taking the edge off of the global fear of the unknown country. But this new girl is going to ruin everything, she will take my position and Richie will run off with her, leaving me literally high and dry, being the altitude and climate of my studio bachelor apartment.  So I tell Richie, that I don’t think she is the one, if she’s not going to make the effort to be clean for you, just think of everything else she will try to get out of: doing the garbage, washing dishes, wearing sexy lingerie, foreplay- say goodbye to foreplay, straight to sex, now how does that sound.  You know you are right Art, thanks for being there for me buddy-

This is a story about taking chances and that a new life awaits you every time you walk out your front door, and that “settling down” doesn’t always mean what you think it mean, while a two-timing friend wants nothing more to do but hoard his friends time to feel alive and energetic- Meet these mischievously spun characters in Stroud’s new wackadoo pharcyde “running scared”.

Richie is scared of love and the ever so coined “settling down”- he wants nothing to do with those words, and he has been on the run from them for the past seven. I have been travelling with Richie for the last 2 years and have gained an amazing new energy towards life from this spectacular- and now I feel like a better person, but only when has around.

I can’t live without Richie in my life, he is my best friend.

Art has problems with himself- he is dangerously optimistic to the point of naivety. He has to many interests and is a jack of all trades but a master in none, and his biggest problem is that he doesn’t know when to fight for what he loves or believes- passive to the extreme is another way to put it. He has a fear of commitment and uses any excuse to back out of a relationship. Art grew up with his father and took after his traits of excessive drinking and schmoozing rich folk, hoping for their inheritance one day. Art is a kidney failure away from his big first return- but is beginning to feel creepy about his lifestyle and he needs a drastic change. He won’t let anyone get close to him because he has decided to leave the country and wants to do so alone, so he pushes everyone away so that he doesn’t feel guilty leaving.

Characters-

Richie –

Art

Ginger

Richie’s grandmother

Richie’s parents

The story is about a Richie, a man whose been travelling for the past 7 years and is about to go home for his parents anniversary- he doesn’t want to settle down which is why has been on the run for the past 7 years, but while being home, he met a girl. Is she the one?

Art his friend who’s been travelling with him for the past 2 years, wants him to himself, and tries to talk Richie from getting into a relationship. All this plus the wackadoo antics from Richie’s family, make for a very twisted return home, but will it last?

Riches parents are very eccentric.

Riches mom Jennifer loves 2 things animals and food; she calls her son religiously and makes sure he’s eating well in Asia, and she stops to greet every dog on the street with a paw shake and a first name greeting. She made it her business to know every dog in the neighbourhood, they day her and her dog moved in, and makes routine visits to neighbours houses to check up on them.

Riches father Peter hasn’t had the easiest road either- he remarried 5 years after his divorce from Jennifer to a woman who ended up being a man, a divorce obviously ensued and she/he tried to take him for everything; house, cars, dogs, even his manhood- I guess hers wasn’t big enough. She was too greedy and ended up with nothing, rumour has it that she even slept with Peters lawyers wife, to shake things up outside of the courtroom.

Peter and his ex-wife Jennifer get along better than ever, and are coincidentally celebrating their 30 anniversary, the same weekend Richie happens to be arriving home from Asia. 

Richie is greeted at the airport by his parents, the usual tenderness is displayed being the duration of his trip, and they exchange “how are you? And whets new?”- before Richie has time to talk about his trip his mother cuts him and asks them what they want for dinner- “I was thinking of making a breakfast for dinner”, Jennifer enthusiastically states. “Jennifer, your son was about to tell us about his trip”, Peter retorts. “It’s alright pops, I am kind of tired anyways”, Richie dozily  .

So Richie slept the whole drive home and well into the night, even through his mothers breakfast- good news was that when he woke up he had French toast, eggs, and hash browns, not as exciting as for dinner, but a good thing to wake up too.

He decided to take his dog Time out for a walk while his mother was at work. They walked to the swampy marshlands that laid deep in his backyard that he once used to trek when he was a child- much of it overgrown now, but still has the same warm feeling of home. Many paths intertwined throughout the woodlands, and bore home to many bike paths, wooden bridges and paw created paths.  Richie sat down on a bridge to listen to the babbling brook, and reflect on his travels; where he has come, gone and been and what he wants to really do with his life, and who he would like to share it with- if any. His dog Time was playing in the creek when she took off downstream, Richie immediately jumping to his feet, yelling “Time, get back here” at the same time, to save time- being that it is his mother’s dog and he hasn’t even been home one day yet.

Richie new that Time must have seen another dog, because that’s the only time she doesn’t respond. So picking up speed Richie finally spotted time pouncing around the murky water with a brown lab,  which simultaneously was being chased by what he believes to be a sporty young girl, mid twenties, with her blonde hair in a wrap, wearing a nostalgic Pink Floyd t-shirt.

Richie, always fast to fall for a girl, already has introduced himself to her and to his parents anniversary dinner- she surprisingly accepted knowing little of this man except that he liked her because she was sporty, loved animals, and dug pink Floyd.

Richie was never one to play games, and if he liked a girl he would tell her- it didn’t always lead to long lasting loving relationships, but he didn’t know any better. He was on the move so much, he felt he never had a lot of time to get to know someone before he could get a chance to ask them out, out of fear of never seeing them again. This all comes into play to why he was so quick to ask Ginger out. She happily replied.

Following their parents dinner, to which they had a comfortably lovely, ginger met Richie’s mother and father and they all hit it off. Richie had ginger come over to his parent’s house afterward and they stayed up all night drinking baileys and milk over ice, and talking about each other’s lives and dreams, before falling fast asleep in each other’s arms.

Richie woke to the site of ginger returning from a run- “ when did you get up?”, Richie wide-eyed clambered. “I’ve been up for a couple hours now, I picked some apples when I was out on my run, and I cut them up so you can put them in the granola I just bought”, Ginger open-heartedly replied. 

Who is this girl, Richie questions in his head, she must be the one, and I can’t believe it I found the one. Excited Richie gets out of bed, gives Ginger a great big kiss, before washing up for breakfast.

“I’ve always wanted someone to wake up to who was energetic and got me excited about starting the day- I think the two of us are going to get along just great”, Richie manages to escape between bites of his cereal.

“What do you want to do today?”,Ginger asks.

“ Anything, as long as you are by my side, but I did hear about an art exhibit in the park”, Richie responds, “but first I am going to jump in the shower”.

“O.K, sounds lovely, I just have a few things to take care of”, ginger pouts.

Richie took a long hot shower, under a proportionately measured nozzle, in Asia all the spouts came up to his neck,- so things were beginning to look up.

He finished, changed into a nice dress shirt and came down from upstairs.

“Looking good big man”, Ginger giddily says, “is you ready to go?”

Sure… but….. Aren’t you….? Richie didn’t have the nerve to ask her if she was going to shower. All that sweat stuck to her body, stringy hair, wet socks- Richie was about to explode inside- and right then he had to call up his friend art in Asia who he always went to when he had something important on his mind.

runin w steph

I just ran into Steph Flemming- a firecracker of a girl with enough ammunition to take down Hezbollah. Its rather humorous though paralleled in a sad way that there is a girl that I am overly and overtly compatible with- that is leaves us in tears when we depart.  Our departures drag on as if we were competing in a telemarketer’s challenge- both striking and re-striking new issues of discussion; to remain in each others presence minutes longer. We are both, funny enough, happy in relationships- but, it’s an underlying tense that is universally felt that we will unite in our next lifetime. I rode her to her house as she embraced me from behind; gripping me snugly though with trust as we forced our way up tight inclines and through boisterous taxis.  I left her with mixed emotions, ecstatic about our encounter but ruffled about our duration- perhaps in our next lifetime.

6/23/09 Haebongchon 

skydragon blues

Sandwiched between Ronnie

the aging soft-spoken untuned rocker

and Gasley the flaming kilt wearing Tom Waits impersonating pianist

I performed my first open-mic session in Canada

Yesterday, yes… one hell of a venue-

The few flutters flew away once on stage and in control of the mic-

A wonderful place to be for the attention craving asshole I am-

Reading diggin me’, my word and secrets of happiness

All eyes were on me-

Blissful feeling being back

ass grabbing story

It all started when i got an text message from my korean girlfriends "OTHER" boyfriend on Thanksgiving- I knew he was Korean because of the broken english text - If you contact her again i’m going kill to you. That being said I contacted him back in a spirited text "Happy Thanksgiving" (I wanted to keep it cool and classy). So yadda yadda, i finally contacted my soon to be ex-gf and did what was needed. And then this is when all the bad doings started a brewin'...So now i'm single and on the town- I went shopping with a buddy o' mine and we were in some downstairs clothing barrage where everything must go. I found a decent cap and asked the man how much it was. "Man won", he says. "common man, you can do better than that its a cheap hat, how about 6?". This banter goes on for a few more minutes before he grabs my cock and says "chil cheon won". Well if I didn't more red than a plump tomato. I exploded back " what the heck man, now its O cheon won that's a E cheon won discount, you cant do that man". Well in the end I got stiffed and had to pay chil cheon won. But it doesnt end there... So the next day Im at Yongsan doing some paruzzing and end up empty handed. As I am leaving the place I'm walking next to a friend when an elderly man "ajoshi if you will" is walking towards me, but is no means of cramped quarters, and comes out of left field and grabs my ass. Now im feeling a little questionable, but i shrug it off with a beer. So the next morning Im off to work on a subway because I got arrested recently for riding without a dang license- babo- and so it be, I'm on the subway when im eying the handicap,pregnant,elderly seats and a old man spots me back, as he gets up and makes for the doors, he does a sexy little nod of the head as if to say "hey, the seats all yours big man"- I take it as a compliment and sit down. Well the train hasnt come to a stop yet, and he begins to start making tongue faces at me sticking his tongue out lizard like and winking. I'm grinning because I cant believe it, as he gets off and the door shuts behind him,he sticks his head to the window and..well the last thing I saw of him was his tongue wagging at me- sending chills through my body and even more questions as to what the hell is going on. I break up with my girlfriend and have 3 old men hit on me in 3 days. As I get up I look at the reflection of myself in the door, thinking is it me?what am i doing? I notice that i have one earring in. Ahhh I thought, damn myself for tempting the devil- so out it comes. The rest of the day went without a hitch- no attraction from men, and of course none from women either...poor Lou.Next day- same.Yippee I think to myself, I fixed the problem. WRONG!!Im at a market near Dongdaemun shopping for records and water-based lube when I spot an antique fan.The man quotes me something out of my range and i say thanks "comsamneda"
as i'm walking away I feel the aging hands of yet another ajoshi slapping my ass " Slap... Slap... Slap...". Will this ever end... Well luckily it has, it has been a good two weeks now without being ass mauled, assaulted, harrassed, cock-mitted, or fisted (well, that’s another story children). But fortunately I was raised my by a strong mother, and I will over come all of these treacherous doings- and one day I will rise again- though hopefully on better terms.

second time on james north

It’s raining today! I love a nice rainy day- sitting at my desk watching the drops of rain pelt the black street through thin slats in the bamboo drapes.

It feels like home.

I have been soaking in a pot- an 11 bean medley plus I tossed in a few shakes of pearl barley.

It was my second time on James street north this week and I’m really trying to make this my new home.

The brain is a sweaty turn of the century building with exposed brick, ancient moldings and the hipster, no identical two lamp/lighting, feel.

I met some cool people- people whose scene I will infiltrate as if I were a rouge Russian spy. I really am urking for a scene for me to meet new people and create and gain/share its liveliness. Real human connection.

My second time in a week I’ve already met Dave Kuric, owner of Mixed Media at Hmag- Douglas owner of Beats&Books where I brown bagged a copy of Brave New World, by Aldus Huxley.

Rob, Kobe & Johnny Free?? The dj of Canadian winter.

Little side note- as we conversed outside the brain we got on topic of Korea and he’d been to Busan to visit his bro- I love life’s little way of linking two random souls together by one thread of action.

I look forward to meeting a new crown and starting a new life for myself in Hamilton. 

seoul pub battle

What you trying to do

Play me like a fool

Sitting in your booth

With your finger round the spool

Tell me to rap

Like I’m an act

You can’t pull my strings

Cause their not attached

You got that

Well you can sit all arrogant like you’re the man

And waive me off with the back of your hand

I know I’m not black

I’m proud of who I am

But you’re judging me

Like I don’t know a jam

Laughing all hilarious

Like you’re nefarious

Asking me questions like do you know KRS?

And which rappers came from the Bay Area

What is hip hop?

sex position

If you’re reading this then the position has already started. Don’t mind the people around you they are all involved! All you are really going to need, is a steady hand and a toothy smile. You can never be too cautious so put on your helmut you carry around with you. Ok… is it on. Good!

Remember Tanya Harding?… Haha of course you do. Silly question. Well this might hurt a little more than a run in with her, but if you can pull it off you will sail into second place, similar too Nancy Kerrigan.

To begin with, are you a woman or man? O.K. being that you said _______(insert sex); the person standing closest to you, yes, the one running right at you this exact moment, is seconds away from leaping into your arms (so quickly finish this article to properly execute this manouver). In mid air you have to catch this person in a pendulem like swing, bending your knees to take pressure off the blow, and swing the body behind your back. As the body is rounding its rotation, hoola hoop the body so the legs are now parallel your shoulders. To others you might appear to be the letter H, and an initial side effect would be hooting, and I believe to my consensus, hollering will shortly ensue.

No more short-cummings for you and your mate.

Stay prompt and sexy!!    

gentle tap

She woke me with a gentle tap on my shoulder and my eyes alertly opened as if I knew this hour was coming. The sun beamed on my glowing beauty. Her flowering diamond ring sang a song to which my ears were left sullen. My body left sullen. Eyes sullen. Chest sullen. Heart sullen. This moment seemed like a dream had it not been for the immense color and tingling sensation I had hidden behind my eyes. Her bags were packed. She only came for her bags, but we made love all throughout my paisley sheets that now hung over the cliff of my mattress. My sheets still damp from love- now shelter a dampness of tears. My tears trickle past the crease in my eyes- slowly like a creek almost barren.

sitting at the ship

Sitting outside the ship on Augusta with Kemeny, a lady at an adjacent table invites herself to watch or game of rummy in action- I being new to this bar, going out in Canada and also just being the nice naïve Jew that I am empty our third chair of my bags and pull it out for her to join- in doing so I unknowingly unleashed a cluster bomb of annoyance- this woman; 35 year old Vanessa with a v bled her life story on us while managing to drown us with her interest in riding my bike- I the betting man agreed to at the price of Jeremy beating me at a game of good ol rummy 500- a game I got in the bag. Now I’m a tad crazy myself, in a good way I’d like to think, and can definitely appreciate wacky, quirkiness- but I draw a fine line when a random individuals traits BOLTS herself past the above and into a league of intolerable blabber- much like Vanessa with a V was doing- yelling over our table to an attractive blonde “how old are you may I ask? I don’t want to be rude”- 29 the girl replies… “Oh my god shut up… you look amazing I would have thought 21 or 22… really you’re gorgeous… 29 I don’t believe it- you’ve aged beautifully” yadda…yadda...yadda… “You’re like a bottle of wine aging with beauty- guys isn’t she so beautiful” This is cool and all- a compliment is always a nice gesture, but when it goes on and on it becomes an annoyance and people just want to get back to their prior engagement- so that passes after a round of rolled eyes, raised eyebrows and tight lips before she’s onto music- asking me to pt a set in my ears to hear a song- top 40 no necessarily my go to but I listen and feign interest to Eminem and Rihana’s track “have you heard it before?” she blabbers “yep” I say focused on cards. “Do you like it?” Yeah it’s alright I say. “Its Eminem do you know him?” yeah I know who he is. He’s Albright I just don’t listen too much of him”.

“You don’t like Eminem??”

“Why don’t you take a look through my iPod” she says “but you’re probably not going to know any of the artists, I listen to obscure music”.

“I’ll give you 10$ if you can guess the next song” she says.

I can’t and don’t even guess because I haven’t a clue.

“It’s John Mayer. Do you know who he is?”

“Yep I’ve heard of him I say”

“Do you want to show me all you’re music?”She says.

“No, not really… I have a lot of music and I am kind of trying to focus on the game- feel free to look through it though”.

“Ooohhh” she retorts snidely followed by silence.

We continue playing our game taking it seriously like we always do- not to ignore her, just that she had finally taken a break and it was refreshing to have a little peace- though you could tell she retracted and took my response to heart- so I tried making peace “it’s cool that you’re here, we can talk it’s just that I don’t really want to walk through 1000+ songs at the moment when I’m in the middle of a game”

“No, ill just keep to myself”

“Well, that’s not what I said- I think you’re taking this the wrong way”.

Then the 4^th gentleman at our table whom she called over also introducing herself as Vanessa with a V- I chose a song on my iPod with a letter V, so she’s playing that song right now- so sit- he does and nearing the end of the night he point to my necklace and asks about its origin.

“It’s a Buddha. My GF in Korea was Buddhist”.

“You have a GF? She speaks with attitude.

“No I use too, but that was when I was in Korea”.

“Well, I shouldn’t talk to you then- you have a GF… and I even thought you were cute- ill just stop talking to you”.

This being the best offer id received all night- I had no option but to take it wishing them a good night- Jer ad I paid the tab on my tea and honey and we parted.

“Why the hell did you engage that?” Jer says.

“Dude I don’t know” is the best response I can give- which got me thinking of how many people are actually normal. I could wrap my brain around it for years without a clue- so ill take the safe route and continue to invite everyone to the table without bias and fill my books with crazy encounters like that of Vanessa with a V.

sleeping girl

I knew exactly where to nudge the door to open it without creaking.

My girlfriend lay sleeping; eyes twitching as if she were staring directly into the sun. I can always tell when she’s faking, because she squeezes her eyes with such conviction that her crows-feet transform her into a woman 10 years her senior. But tonight she is really sleeping- so I tiptoe.

spark a flame-ignite a rage

I’ve barely scratched the surface

And I'm working my way to the top

I’ve been a slave to this page

And now I’m at the chopping block

I’m cutting and pasting

Writing and chasing

The right words to say

For the write situation

Now, I’m face to face

With my own observations

All the people of this world wide nation

Lets all join hands

Its time to make changes

Our nation is equipped

Our nation will be fixed

Out nation will exist

To shine like a beautiful spirit

What have I got to say?

What’s going on in the world today?

How can I paint a picture

For you all to feel the same as me?

Should I use my time on stage

To spark a flame

And ignite a rage?

To fight the age of evil

We’re all equals

Living people

We’re all equals

Living people

And our children

Are our sequels

So let’s work together

We’ve got to work together

If our children aren’t worth it

Tell me what cause is better

Everyday im learning lessons

And making mistakes along the way

But you learn more of a lesson

From failure than you do from gain

No one said its easy

Life doesn’t always go you way

Sometimes there are roadblocks

And sometimes you’ve got tolls to pay

There’s no road to riches

Grab a ticket

And just head that way

Life’s filled with

Mountains

Ditches

Alleys

And dead-end ways

You can either fight for your freedoms

Or give up and keep on dreaming

Tell me what it’s gonna be

I want to hear you scream it

“Are you crazy?”

“What do you mean?”

“There’s no way you can do it”

“Yes, I can. I will. I don’t care if it breaks. I’ll walk the rest of the way, but I need you to get it in the best shape possible.”

“Alright, well…come back in a couple hours”, the mechanic chuckled as he walked back into his shop.

There are a lot of people in life that will tell you things are impossible. You might wonder why I chose these words to catapult my story, but I’m not going to get into detail; for the ones that are driven to explore, driven by adventure, driven to live and learn more about themselves are the ones that will understand why I chose to ride my motorcycle around Korea.

Now this never seemed like an impossible thing for me to do, and with my contract ending in 3 months I wanted to take advantage of my time spent in Korea and leave with the full experience.

My 10-day journey started with a trip to the mechanic, a borrowed tent, a stop at Dongdaemun’s camping district, a handy Korean road map, the knowledge that you can pitch-a-tent pretty much anywhere along the coast (just check with the locals first), and the idea to circle the country; everything else was left up to the roads.

 ;

1)

Jeju’s Jeongbong waterfall is quoted to be “the only Asian waterfall that falls directly into the ocean”. I like the ferocity of this quote so I decided not to do any research to find the truth in it and just let it be.  It truly is a breathtaking site and worth the 2000 won park admittance; it is also located within 20 km of Seogwipo’s other waterfall Cheonjiwon. 

2

After driving along the shore roads on the west coast of Jeju, the rocky cliffs forced me to merge onto the 1132 expressway which is where I found this sexual wonderland (not to be confused with Jeju’s other sexual wonderland Loveland). The Sex and Health Museum is home to grand sculptures of people at play- much like these sexy women who urged me to snap these erotic photos.

3)

Lonely Planet Korea claims it takes 7-8 hours to climb Hallasan’s summit, and I would have followed that advice had it not been that I was rushing to catch a ferry to Busan and hadn’t the time, which is partly excuse of the goofy look. The hazy background often comes-and-goes due to the altitude and location to the sea; the mist passed within 5 minutes but my camera hadn’t the life left.

4)

This ajumah approached me with a sweetened deal of 5 king crabs for 50,000 won- so after stopping at the local shop for some butter to melt in her microwave I took her up on the bargain. Yeondok’s port is home to a seafood market that is surrounded by restaurants with tanks swelled with ocean delights.

5)

After cruising and sleeping on beaches and mountains all along the coast line I pulled into a Baekam on a cloudy day and met Bryce the owner of this Baekam Springs Hotel.

Each bedroom is furnished with a bathtub that is pumped with natural hot-springs water, or if you are just passing through; you can opt for a cheaper alternative and just use the bath-house for 6000 won, either way it’s a very relaxing excuse to stop in Baekam.

After 1340 km on my bike and one sore ondongy I departed on my 230 km trip back to Seoul. Stopped at a red light just outside of Jeongdongjin, several police officers were standing car-side before one called me over. I doing nothing illegal just followed procedure and cruised through the red light to meet him. The cop anxious at a chance to meet a foreigner smirkingly asked me my name and age while checking out my bike. Before he let me go he asked me where I was going; Seoul I said as he chuckled mimicking my mechanics reaction.

  

The cover picture

    

quilitoa loop- printed in spec

Lying across the row of torn seats at the back of the bus, all I could think was that “I can’t believe I’m in Ecuador”. When in my life did I ever think I would be here?

Ryan and I arrived in Latacunga 2hours and 2 dollars later to a sombre rain-shower that did not give way to bad spirits, as we were greeted with smiles by colourfully dressed locals. We sat down at a bench to hide from the rain and try some food from the market. Our limited Spanish left us ordering “dos” of whatever they were serving, which turned out to be a chunk of pork, rice, potatoes and an ensalada, served with homemade chocolate milk out of a huge steel cauldron- all for $1.75 each.  

Latacunga was not much of a dwelling spot, more of a stop-over on our journey through Ecuador’s remote Andean villages within the picturesque Quilotoa loop. I did manage to get a haircut before departure, in one of Latacunga’s countless barber shops before heading to Zumbahua. 

I was surprisingly alert to be on my fifth bus in the past twenty-four hours and was able to capture the hand-sewn patchwork of the rolling Andean mountains. Ecuador’s central highlands- contain 8 of the country’s 10 highest peaks; including Volcano Cotopaxi (5897m) and Volcano Chimborazo (6310m) and is home to Laguna Quilotoa, a breathtaking volcanic crater lake.

Discovering this hidden village wrapped amongst the clouds, took me back to a much simpler, beautiful lifestyle. As I joined the children at play, the most spectacular sunset set fire to the sky. I stood in awe before showing the kids how to spin a basketball as they practiced their English on me; “How are you?”... “What is your name?” Everything was so real and perfect that I’ve always imagined travelling to be and I knew that its impression would stick with me and be my driving force, long after I am too old to drive.

The sun began to shine as we boarded a pickup that was driving us to Chugchilan along the worn out death defying cliff-sides of Quilotoa.  The altitude hit me, so I laid my head to rest upon arrival, waking 18 hours later to the owner of the hostel brewing a medicinal concoction for me to drink, containing onion root, calamine, oregano, and leaves from apple and orange trees. Yummy! I drank 6 cups of the 12 cup pot and woke the next morning at 4:45 am to the sound of my alarm, alive and revitalized.

Ryan and I hopped into the back of the truck with only the night sky above our heads as we embarked on a magnificent journey descending through the mountains. With the sun inching its way above the horizon it gave way to the most amazing views of the two towering volcanoes that parented this untamed region.

Along our ride, a boy jumped onto the back of the pickup and piggy-backed a ride to the market (fairytale pun not intended).  And not long after an older couple came running to hitch a ride as well- his wife was just out of reach as the gold-toothed man jumped, grabbing the ledge pulling himself up. I explained to him, that if someone left their wife behind in Canada- they would be in a lot of trouble.

 A colourful commotion caught my eye as we thundered down the bumpy road.  The market looked like a zoo, with a dollar sign on everything that moved.  The smell, the squeaks, the squeals, the rawness of bartering for subsistence- it was a true beauty to witness life at its purest form.

I was overwhelmed by the fluidity and motion of their day. By 6 am, trucks of alpacas have been unloaded, miles of bananas laid out, and pigs purchased and hoisted onto the roofs of trucks. I took in the experience as I tried my luck with some of local vendors. I bought every vegetable under the sun, and waited 30 minutes to get change from a 10 dollar bill. Note to all whom are reading, bring change!  

As we were leaving, a cheerful elderly woman waved us over and poured us each a shot from a gas can- we foreignly drank it down and bit our tongues at ever accepting. Now feeling like Hercules, we boarded our bus. Walking to the back my head was on a swivel as I captured a wide-eyed child buying cotton candy, a woman wearing a feather-tipped hat standing with broom in hand, a pickup truck filled with smiling Ecuadorians far exceeding its capacity- and as our bus began to depart I heard the distressed squeals of a pig- arguing over the price of his head. As dust began to fly, I could only think “Wow! So this is Ecuador”. 

quips and quotes

A lot can be said about nothing, without saying anything at all.

Nothing compliments a left turn quite as beautifully, than a right.

When ‘I love you’ just doesn’t cut it- pregnant.

People who shoot guns have small penises- people with small penises shoot blanks.

ode to albert hoffman

In a far off land

There lived a man

An inventor of modern science and party plans

While studying plants

He struck by chance

A drug that breathes

Wild colors that dance

Little did he

Know at the time

The altering state

That shook the mind

ode to pony

Man, I was just looking over some pictures of us chilling on your roof, guitar in hand, with the sun in the sky and freedom and love in our heart and mind, we were on top of the world, there was nothing that could bring us down, not even women problems. I can’t fathom the unfucking-believable time we shared, from the mud fest train ride and Pocheon bike trip, to Taiwan and all over South America. I have never met anyone like you, it scares me man. You are an awesome friend, and I need you around me- you make me a better person and there are too many stories that I just want to keep reliving with you, honestly some of them will be told hundreds of years from now by our grandchildren and people of the people whose lives you have affected. I don’t like to think of Korea without you, I know it won’t be the same- it will be kick ass no doubt, but not the same! That was a once in a life time- and it couldn’t have been set to a clock any better than it turned out. It is far from, far from over, faith-willingly, and that we remain roamers of this great world in search of adventure and experience without letting any person’s thoughts about your remarkable life to eat at our conscious, until you want to settle down. Just to let you know, it is perfectly normal and expected of people to be jealous of your life, and it is perfectly normal for you to know that life is in your own hands and you would be stupid to do listen to people who only dream of a life like yours. As long as you always have your head on your shoulders the good energy will have you back. You are one positive dude, don’t let anything get you down- and if you ever have to talk, you know you can talk to me, YOU KNOW THAT! I know you do, anyways tell me what’s going on in your life, and hopefully we can get it on track with mine. Camping real soon!! give me a day, I’m down- except for October 8th, preseason seats to raps home opener with Jermaine and Bosh starting/ oh and it is also Yom Kippur, which I am being a bastard child and missing the family dinner for. I am a sinner- aint life sweet. Baby baby baby, get back to me soon man! 

lost my bike...again

I’m riding the train these days to learn a lesson,

I lost two motorbikes in a week

Now I’m depressed and

Down on my luck,

I’m stuck waiting for a ride

That just cost me a buck,

Plus, there’s no open seat

What the fuck!!

I’m getting jerked back and forth

Between the caboose and the conductor,

Fell flat on this ladies lap

Now she’s yelling

Like I fucked her

I really can’t tell you how much I loathe these buses,

It’s either too hot or too cold

Damn I’m always fussing,

With some lost soul

That swears I owe them something,

Its either go to church, give me change

Give me your seat, or sit in shame

I guess I learned my lesson

once upon a thyme

I want to peel any preconceived notions and say that this concoction is no bologna and is entirely based on the shelf life of being locked in a can.  So now that I’ve got that settled- get ready to sink your teeth into this little dish about a hot tamale who searched yeast and west in search of a ripe tomato with a set of cans that would crush Mama Caroni’s famous pasta dish.  Read on as these two beefcakes inherit a lot of dough and struggle to stay grounded.  It’s a delicious tale of two sole mates on the rise to fame- and their unfortunate mix up with Lil Debbie who tries to get her slice of the pie. This story will leave your stomach twisting in knots, craving every morsel. Kneed, I say anymore. Indulge in this feast of a lifetime.

dec 30/2008

our bodies need training

Our bodies need training. Between the blind man distinctively walking to the corner store for milk to the trained whales performing tricks at the zoo; we all start with a empty board and as were exposed to/ and are trained, our board quickly becomes filled with an overload of notes; things that have become second nature. As life passes by and our board begins to fill and overlap you learn one of two things- that a) you cant keep track of your notes b) you find yourself writing new notes. Writing new notes (training) is the beginning of growth; whether it be the art of sport, craft, humbleness of meditation- it is taking these notes, grasping them, holding them right in front of your eyes and living it; day after day until it becomes a part of life. These principles were bore to us, and are the same principles we see when waking up and starting the day to eating when we feel hunger- it’s innate. It is because it’s the way. It’s easy. It’s what we’ve seen. It’s what were told and taught. It’s in the air- In this room. It’s what we know. That’s it. Period.

But, what if we could change that? What if by adding new notes we grow, we change, we learn, we live, we see, we look back, we now know; and it feels great.

Live to enjoy life and achieve all those notes that pile in your head. Read the notes. But better yet, listen to an act on them. It’s the inner you talking to yourself setting little challenges that may be difficult, but, in the lon and short-run will extremely beneficial. Whether it be to join the gym, write a book, start  a poetry club, or dunk a basketball- take those notes revise them each morning and night so that you will reach the you, you really want to be, be strong and remember the world is yours- you can be/do anything you want to do! 

outdated text

The bible, Torah, Koran and all other biblical texts are outdated- how do they expect us to live by a book of rules that were written during a society that is nothing like today’s. We have made astronomical advances in every field yet we are fighting and killing ourselves to live in the past.

                                                                                                Conversation w Daniel and Eric aug 6/2009

panchos review

Do you crave meat? Do you dream of succulent meat tender enough that you cut into it with a fork? Plate after plate of top sirloin steak, pork ribs, moist chicken breast wrapped in bacon, sausage links, and who can forget lamb; a thick and juicy cut of lamb with a fat that melts in your mouth. If this has got your mouth watering, than Pancho’s Churrasco BBQ Grill Fiesta is your new haven.

Every Thursday night from 6:30 to 10:30, Itaewon’s Pancho’s is host to an all new all you can eat and drink Brazilian barbeque. With a menu of nine different cuts of meat cooked to perfection by a Brazilian chef, accompanied by garlic rice, veggies and sweet pineapple coated in cinnamon fresh off the grill all washed down with endless pints of Hite- you will undoubtedly be leaving satisfied.  

Where many galbi restaurants charge buy the gram you could leave full spending around the same price, but Pancho’s is offering  a great variety of quality cuts of meat, grilled with precision and sliced off of a skewer directly onto your plate for only 29,500 won.

Along with Thursday nights all you can eat Brazilian Barbeque and free taco Tuesday’s (with purchase of beer) Pancho’s offers an array of Mexican favourites including crunchy tacos, beefy burritos, cheesy enchiladas and quesadillas, deep fried chimichangas and mountains of topped nachos.  Aside from its southern menu Pancho’s also includes many western delicacies; burgers, salads, and Canada’s claim to fame poutine. If you aren’t hungry stop by for an ice cold fruity margarita or daiquiri or San Miguel on tap.

As one of Itaewon’s longest standing restaurants with over 13 years on the strip, Pancho’s extremely personable and humorous owner Mrs. Oh has seen a lot of restaurants come and go. Sitting down over a refreshing mojito, a drink Ernest Hemingway made famous and Pancho’s has mastered, Mrs. Oh filled me in on her why she started Pancho’s.

 After traveling to Mexico and falling in love with the food and its spice she came back to Korea and wanted to bring a fresh change to the market. Within the international district of Itaewon there were plenty of burger joints, but Mexican food was as foreign as teachers. Mrs. Oh has had quite the variety of interests, starting the Reggae Bar with two Canadians and working as a travel agent, but Pancho’s has always remained her passion. With colorful samba and salsa in the background you can catch Mrs. Oh any night smiling and swaying to the music.

Whether on a date, hanging with your friends, or business gathering Pancho’s will accommodate any size outing- with a comfortable open setting and seating for over 100 patrons’ make Pancho’s your next trip to the border. For reservations call 02-792-4767.

piece of mind

MY THOUGHTS ON RETURNING TO NORTH AMERICA HAVE BEEN A LITTLE skewed by my observations and new life abroad. Seeing the genuineness and level of respect in Asia was refreshing and I was almost thrown-off by their patient demeanour, being the magnitude of people congested within a city- I got the feeling they got along really well.  It was a nice change from the hooched-out youth, the surplus of racial disputes, (hot headed) impatient drivers and the constant negativity encompassing everyday life i.e. work, money, gas, school, taxes, weather, government- that herds cooler talk discussions America-wide. Constant talk of problems without talk of solutions- so much negativity that it almost embodied me.

            Upon returning home, I was ready to be negative as well, and put down the people and their views.  Fuelled by my love for Asia and its conscious state of mind, I’ve been contemplating how I would react being tossed back into my old world circle.

            In my short time home, I have learned that you really can find nice people everywhere- people smiling or willing to assist, even go out of their way for you.  But you also find the lame, the downers, the douches, the free-loaders, the gomers and half breeds- who aren’t even capable of having a conversation worth starting- due to the ignorance that steams off them like a fresh pile of dung on a London street donned with cobble stone, illuminated by archways that horse-drawn carriages daintily gallop these faux elite on their way to arrogant dinner parties with Sir.Douche and Lady Deadfish.  It’s sad that a handful of low-life’s take up the majority of frontlines in today’s newspapers, news, and change the angle of how we view our own country- and this is speaking from a totally un-political perspective (which for that argument would need enough paper from forest of trees to do justice to those greedy, manipulating pig-fuckers).

            In the middle of all this I find myself stuck trying to make sense of what’s to come; from a man- that is what I am aren’t I- neatly written in calligraphy donning the erection of my Bar Mitzvah- and now I return home and I want people to understand, perhaps even change or to have grown along with me, but no.

            Now my burdened soul- a soul with new desires and aspects to shape a society to appear suitable- perhaps suave compared to this un-tucked, unshaven, cigarette stained, foul tongue, tiger striped sweat pants society I’ve agreed to myself to return to- and I expect changes. When in reality I am the only one who has changed.  Sure… the majority appear to have their head on their shoulders- except those lucky enough to have been brainwashed by America’s most talented circus freaks (join the war on terror- i.e. join a one-sided raping of  a people who don’t want your short stubby American cock even around the house pig).

            But here I am thrown back into my old circuit like nothing has changed- except my head full of thoughts and new outlook on life- and I have to walk the same old streets and sit next to these people as they gobble down the same steel garbage pails full of waste- you know the true American industrial waste basket before recycling became such a fad. That incidentally people waste their lives working to afford filling with waste.

            But what about these wasters who work 12 hour shifts to order a variety of deep fried ‘whatever’- wait on their asses during their break from the concession stand for this heap and by the time it actually arrives- have to return to their shift- in other words wasting more waste.  On their electric cart ride back to the concession stand they see a newspaper that reads in thick bold print “fried food kills’. ‘Phew’ manages to escape their lips between wheezing, ‘I’m glad I didn’t eat that waste bin of tripe’.  Like you didn’t fucking know that already you double big mac, large fry, diet coke, second-from-snapping elastic waist band on society!

            Then you have the people who drive around with children in their car, smoking with all the windows up- these assholes should be punched with their awards. And how about the ever-so-popular family that uses threats of violence to quiet their children’s crying (in public). “If you don’t stoppa da crying im gonna wack you upside da head”. How about you quiet your fucking voice we are in a Wal- Mart and you are making more of a fucking scene than your child that just wants a minute of your attention instead of checking out the ageing sales clerk.  No, keep on threatening- I can see it worked well for your upbringing.  Assholes with children just piss me off in general- if you don’t get it- then how do you expect your kid to get it. Why don’t you just take them to McDonalds to shut them up- and feed your 2 year old to death because you never learned the 5 basic food groups when you were a child.  And when you leave McDonalds you can teach your child a good lesson by tossing your litter outside your shit-brown, torn seat, failed emission test, duct taped rag top, spinning rim, 73’ Oldsmobile.     

            When did morality get dumped curb-side with the rest of your junk? Probably at the end of the driveway of some asshole who thinks working for a living- is scamming the public. “Hi, I work for UNICEF and I am collecting any donations you might have. Oh thank you so much mam, the good lord blesses you…. yadda yadda BULLSHIT!”  The list goes on for low-life creeps looking to make a fast buck. Here’s a fucking hint Gustavo- shave your moustache, take out your piercing, cover your tattoos and don’t be such a fucking lurk for once and maybe your uncanny ways of scamming the public could turn into a productive construction job- and you could become a surplus to the economy, rather than sucking from the aging teat your nicotine stained teeth have been clenching onto since birth.

            Yeah its true were not all born with charm, wit, good looks or a widows inheritance, but were also not born into a country where you don’t understand right from dirt bag.

            The difference between the two could be determined by the neighbourhood you grew up in. But what about wanting to better yourself, rather than being the staple ingredient of the stench your block is brewing. Take initiative. Sure a job at the local McD’s isn’t glamorous but commitment looks good on a resume. So instead of spending your measly pay check on dime bags and HJ’s from a questionable street corner john, make a goal. Have a reasonable idea you can aim for so that you feel productive and feel good about yourself.

            Maybe it was the language barrier in Asia that allowed me to feel carefree, maybe even their patient and respectful heritage, or their drive for excellence, perfection and success- whichever it may be- it was a nice change from the constant burden of having to listen to douches, turkeys and gomers day in day out talk about; how shitty their life is, gas prices, traffic, and ‘can you believe this weather we are having?’. The key is to surround yourself with positive people and cut all the waste out. It’s your time and it’s not selfish to say “ Hey asshole, quit being such a fucking downer, stop being so negative and take action if your life really sucks as much as you say it does. ‘Cause I’ve heard the same story over and over and I’m sick of having to waste my time listening to you bitch- your bringing my high down’- but it’s like I said ‘you can find nice people everywhere’.