“I need a break- a time out; just a freakin’ second from my day to turn it all off”.
“What the hell are you talking about man?”
“I mean I’m constantly at war with my thoughts. Girlfriend issues; I’m sick of work; I’m thinking of home; confused in my passion; I feel nothing I do will I ever be satisfied with. You know- everything I do for my girlfriend, I think out first. I calculate my action before persecuting- it’s all really mathematical; but in every incident where I put her in the forefront of my thoughts before taking action- I always manage to fuck up. Every fucking time- I fuck up. Take this for example; now it’s pouring outside and I have work in a couple hours. She planned to come over and make me lunch; all sweet and great- but I got work in 2 hours and I got to leave 30 minutes earlier now and catch the bus, cause’ I can’t ride my motorcycle due to the fucking impeccable timing of the downpour. So I say listen sugar “I don’t think today is a good day for lunch… cause I have to leave 30 minutes earlier to get to work cause of the rain and it will take you an hour to get here- leaving no time to cook and eat… and its pouring outside and I don’t want you to get soaked and come all the way to see me- just for 20-30 minutes.” See I was being fucking rational- and you know what? She starts ho-humming about how I’m too damn rational. I don’t even fully recall what her argument was about; something about how she’s got all this meat and veggies and how she’ll have to give it to her roommates now. I don’t know what to say- everything I did I had her with full intention in mind; I didn’t want her to get wet or have to travel across town for such a short stay- No, but I’m the indecent one. I’m the one who shat in her breakfast. So today we get into another tiff at a good ol’ ball game. Minji and I are at the game with her best friend and my friend Daniel, who, let me throw this side-note in first, has a brother now in jail in Tehran because he fought for peace; his 28 year old brother has been locked up for 10 days without a word and his family doesn’t even know which prison he is in; and furthermore a fellow student has just died in jail the day prior. So it is understandable to say he is not of great spirits- but he is a very strong man and has the power of love and such a hate for Muslims in his heart that it fuels him to cope with his brothers reasoning, why he took his anti-Muslim aggression to the streets. So the four of us are at the game and its now in the 6th inning; I look over at Daniel and see he’s fading, losing interest- so I ask him if he wants to go home, Ill give him a ride. He does; so I tell the girls that we have to get going, I lie and say we are very tired because I didn’t want to get into detail about his thoughts, which is why I said we are tired. I gave them another beer, wished them a lot of fun, and told my girl I love you (texting her minutes later with the same message, but telling her to call me when the game ends). Not that it matters really but I had free tickets and used them to get Minji and her friend into the game- so when I got the message after I dropped Daniel off that the girls were SO embarrassed; it got me a little upset. Now give me a fucking break- you and your friend are 28 and 29 years old, you are at a free baseball game, with free beer and you are with your best-friend in the world and you got the fucking nerve to say you are embarrassed because we left. It just so happened to be another reason we left, but even if we were tired and that was our excuse- sit and enjoy the goddamn game. But no you decide to text were so embarrassed rather than thanks for the tickets we had a great time; don’t give me this bullshit- you’re not a child anymore; you’re a fucking adult- act like one. Its not like I left you on your own- you’re with your friend. Now I told her- as much as I’d love to have 100% of everything you want in life be the way you will it- unfortunately there are times when I’m gonna do what I want or have to do even against your will. And I would expect the same from you- sometimes we just need to do our things; whether you are too tired or the rain comes unexpectedly- plans change and you cant sit there and fucking wine every time something doesn’t go your way, because that’s life. It would be fucking sweet if every time you pouted “poof” you got your way; well I’m sorry, cause that doesn’t fly with me. I’m not here to disrespect you- nope not at all, and I’m not even trying to be rude or meat-headed by saying ‘Yo baby, these are my rules and you betta stick to them or were gonna have some problems”. Naw, it’s nothing like that; I am here to love you, and everything I do; I will do sweetly and have you in mind. And as for the baseball game- I didn’t ask you to come because I knew you were having a lot of fun with your friend- so instead of bringing the mood down- I wanted you to enjoy your time and stay at the game. I was thinking of her. Every time I think of her it always comes around to bite my fucking ass”.
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