My walks appear to have left me no closer to relief.
Each endeavor into the woods sends clear thoughts,
free mind & temporary closure to my suffocating conscious.
I leave the woods with progress, a sense of advancement an AHHH effect
But as the day turns long- my wooded serenity becomes no longer transferable
and i'm once again left with choking breaths, wandering mind, and jealous rambling thoughts.
This is not me!!
Though it is the new me.
A me I hate.
A me I want to drown with force.
I have been giving 100% to a woman who gives 50% of herself.
This has proven to have a perpetual negative effect on my entire livelihood.
I no longer smile.
I act like a zombie.
I am left deaf to conversation.
My mind is controlled by her lack of interest in I.
I feel sick.
My stomach churns.
My head dizzy.
Faint.
I need air.
Where are you?
Why are you not with me?
When i'm with you I feel alive? Or at least tricked!
Cleopatra you are!
Am I under a spell?
Giving only a little to lead me on.
Have I been mastered by your fallacious tongue and warm desirable body?
I have been led astray.
My path no longer my own.
Blindfolded dumb love-
Slight of hand fooled.
How do I conquer you?
How do I conquer you?
HOW DO I CONQUER YOU?
Must I puke out my vile past?
All our fairy tale moments- reduced to mediocrity if that.
Your mouth is not sacred
Your lips, thighs, kisses-
Tainted
You are not mine!
You never were & I knew this
I tried to change you- make you mine.
I failed and broke myself!
I am broken
I am broken
broken, broken, broken
But with my strong, laborious, educated, traveled, worn, weathered,
crafty, useful, structured, fierce, aggressive, genuine, beaten & beautiful hands-
I will fix myself.
Maybe not overnight-
But I will cure thee.
I will build myself stronger,
Build myself to my own specific dimensions exceeding limitations & boundaries-
I will cure my pain.
I will ail my wounds.
I will quench my tormented sea of thought.
I will conquer you.
Wednesday 29 February 2012
just a hello
Her soul wandered into the room.
We only met in passing as if knowing we would be given a second chance;
A burning ember to ignite our conversation
& a giant banana leaf to fan the flames
She spoke with flowing tongue
I listened & dissected to bite size pieces to swallow whole-
Some stories made her smile, proud & honest
Some tear,
Some stories lead her head to my chest
I laughed, choked, and lost heartbeats to her stories
I told her of myself,
Shared poetry and song,
Cut up pieces of my life and fed them to her-
We talked for hours without getting full
We walked arm in arm before I asked her for a kiss-
We kissed
I could have held her for days until my body was replaced with sleep
We parted-
Her to remain at a Occupy Toronto
I to Bovine Sex Club
Her call excited me-
She was Queen Street bound
My soul now worn as mask-
We walked the streets staring at the moon
With her on my back
Two minutes diverted our plans and now we were drinking wine in my bedroom
In another city
She dressed in my clothes & we listened to music
She schooled me
We lied together wrapped in innocence-
Arms tied
Puzzle-piece bodies
Only sounds can describe this comfort
We woke late & got coffee before our return to Kensington
Our goodbye was short in the essence of time
But we are connected eternal
She will go back to Montreal
My life will commence-
But I have forever been left with her eyes like keys-
I lost heart beats
We only met in passing as if knowing we would be given a second chance;
A burning ember to ignite our conversation
& a giant banana leaf to fan the flames
She spoke with flowing tongue
I listened & dissected to bite size pieces to swallow whole-
Some stories made her smile, proud & honest
Some tear,
Some stories lead her head to my chest
I laughed, choked, and lost heartbeats to her stories
I told her of myself,
Shared poetry and song,
Cut up pieces of my life and fed them to her-
We talked for hours without getting full
We walked arm in arm before I asked her for a kiss-
We kissed
I could have held her for days until my body was replaced with sleep
We parted-
Her to remain at a Occupy Toronto
I to Bovine Sex Club
Her call excited me-
She was Queen Street bound
My soul now worn as mask-
We walked the streets staring at the moon
With her on my back
Two minutes diverted our plans and now we were drinking wine in my bedroom
In another city
She dressed in my clothes & we listened to music
She schooled me
We lied together wrapped in innocence-
Arms tied
Puzzle-piece bodies
Only sounds can describe this comfort
We woke late & got coffee before our return to Kensington
Our goodbye was short in the essence of time
But we are connected eternal
She will go back to Montreal
My life will commence-
But I have forever been left with her eyes like keys-
I lost heart beats
just a puddle
Fast rain hit the awning of my shoppe and ran down to form a puddle-
from the front, kicked back in my wooden-slat chair I watched it inconvenience
people as they are forced around it
I watched it soak peoples feet
I watched it bubble as drops hit &
I watched the rings it left with each thud like the scene in Jurassic Park
I stared at this puddle for a long while having no motivation to bake on
such a gloomy day. So I sat and stared at each person that walked by-
some with splashing boots, some teenage kids that spit in it, some were even
oblivious to it- with hungry eyes set on the burrito shoppe next door.
When people weren't around I thought about how this puddle would discourage
an ant, or perhaps throw its entire day off course. I thought about how a dog
would come and slurp giant heaps with its rubbery tongue. How children would
force their parents out of the house on days like today... to play. Its amazing how
one puddle can create so much depth.
Oh you wonderfully doomy day,
You couch and fireplace crawl up with a book day,
You order pizza and pajamas day,
You wet disgusting day-
A day that paper-men loathe and farmers rejoice
A day where parks are left barren while coffee shops burst at the seems
A day where umbrella sales rocket and ice cream parlors cringe
Just a lazy day to sit and stare at the little bubbles that float around like curious ducks in unison- little bubbles that cling to shoes and leave foot-shaped soldiers along the concrete path in front of my barren shoppe
from the front, kicked back in my wooden-slat chair I watched it inconvenience
people as they are forced around it
I watched it soak peoples feet
I watched it bubble as drops hit &
I watched the rings it left with each thud like the scene in Jurassic Park
I stared at this puddle for a long while having no motivation to bake on
such a gloomy day. So I sat and stared at each person that walked by-
some with splashing boots, some teenage kids that spit in it, some were even
oblivious to it- with hungry eyes set on the burrito shoppe next door.
When people weren't around I thought about how this puddle would discourage
an ant, or perhaps throw its entire day off course. I thought about how a dog
would come and slurp giant heaps with its rubbery tongue. How children would
force their parents out of the house on days like today... to play. Its amazing how
one puddle can create so much depth.
Oh you wonderfully doomy day,
You couch and fireplace crawl up with a book day,
You order pizza and pajamas day,
You wet disgusting day-
A day that paper-men loathe and farmers rejoice
A day where parks are left barren while coffee shops burst at the seems
A day where umbrella sales rocket and ice cream parlors cringe
Just a lazy day to sit and stare at the little bubbles that float around like curious ducks in unison- little bubbles that cling to shoes and leave foot-shaped soldiers along the concrete path in front of my barren shoppe
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)