what am i missing?

Do you miss Minji?

Some days I do! I think those are my low days- when I’m feeling lonely and just want someone to care for me, maybe just have me on their mind. Though, I would have to say the same over other past ex’s- I dig through a list of faces and evening we’ve share and pick on that. How is this, what I’m missing in my life…? It’s not! It may be at the moment but that’s just me being emotional and irrational and selfish. One bad day doesn’t mean jumping back with an ex on the other side of the world. Unfortunately my answer is no- I mean of course I do, she was a part of my life and legacy of Korea, but she is not really the one I picture my life with, and if I were to/ continue to think she is- I will only be wasting her time too. Yes, she is hurting. And I too, for her. I made the right decision.

Did you?

I think I did. I know my character and I want to travel and be promiscuous and just explore life with no knots.

Is this a good thing?

Is this worth the exchange?

Well, I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I know it has its drawbacks- but, until I find someone that is on my life path I don’t feel I should settle. Hell, I sacrifice and it hurts. The highs are soaring- but the lows are deep. I fortunately haven’t had to suffer many lows in my life- which is why this low stings particularly bad.

So what’s the plan?

Well, schools hire in September and March- Ideally I’d like to move to a university job- something with minimal hours and long vacation time. Perhaps a job with room for tutoring and editing.

So you have your mind on teaching?

Yes, Yes I do! It’s my calling for now and it’s something I enjoy dearly. The only question is where.

What are your choices?

Back to Korea obviously- which was unbelievable by the way- but in order to stay sane id have to take a few long vacations to India or throughout South East Asia. My other option is Hong Kong, Taiwan, or Thailand. Ranging in high to low for pay. I must research the benefits to each- but, ideally $$/hour and schedule will seal the deal.

Why did you get with Minji if you knew you were going to leave her?

To be honest I’ve never asked myself that question, because subconsciously I knew I would be leaving but I was selfish to never have brought that question to light. I just knew I was happy having fun and sex with a beautiful, intelligent girl. I’m so easily adaptable to the flow between girls and MOST of life's obstacles (obviously barring this transition) that I never thought about how much she loved me, and how she pictured our lives together, perhaps children and a house. I never thought this.

Would it, or should it have made a difference?

I don’t think it would have- well, it didn’t. But, it should have a lot earlier in the relationship. I was one sided- I never questioned myself, what I expected from this. It should have I guess… excitement, intrigue, and selfishness cast a shadow over my sensitive and caring side.

This is definitely a break through, but it’s up to you to read/re-read this and follow the steps to correct your life. I can only help in spurts- you must live to maintain a consciousness.

Repetitiveness will also help with your memory.

Do you have anything else to add before today’s session is over?

I am beginning to see things a little clearer. It’s up to me to get out and involved- and just follow my heart while being aware of others around myself. Don’t do anything with selfish intentions. Maybe now isn’t the best time to spark a long term relationship- maybe it will be a few years- but be truthful from the start- so you don’t waste anyone’s time. It will be ok. I’m just in a slump and I’ve been thrown a rope to my saviour. All I have to do is pull I in.