second time on james north

It’s raining today! I love a nice rainy day- sitting at my desk watching the drops of rain pelt the black street through thin slats in the bamboo drapes.

It feels like home.

I have been soaking in a pot- an 11 bean medley plus I tossed in a few shakes of pearl barley.

It was my second time on James street north this week and I’m really trying to make this my new home.

The brain is a sweaty turn of the century building with exposed brick, ancient moldings and the hipster, no identical two lamp/lighting, feel.

I met some cool people- people whose scene I will infiltrate as if I were a rouge Russian spy. I really am urking for a scene for me to meet new people and create and gain/share its liveliness. Real human connection.

My second time in a week I’ve already met Dave Kuric, owner of Mixed Media at Hmag- Douglas owner of Beats&Books where I brown bagged a copy of Brave New World, by Aldus Huxley.

Rob, Kobe & Johnny Free?? The dj of Canadian winter.

Little side note- as we conversed outside the brain we got on topic of Korea and he’d been to Busan to visit his bro- I love life’s little way of linking two random souls together by one thread of action.

I look forward to meeting a new crown and starting a new life for myself in Hamilton. 

hamilton on a dime

With the economy in recession and prices ever increasing- cutbacks are inevitable; but that shouldn’t mean cutting back on living. It all started with technology being introduced to the household; first we had those huge wooden radios that the families gathered around, then those damn remote control-less televisions toy those ancient 10 year old computers that don’t even get scooped up curb side. Nowadays everything has to be tiny and portable; phones, IPods, PSP’s, computers, and in doing so we’ve coincidentally shrunk our active lives for a rather hefty slice of entertainment. Though these reminiscing thoughts might bring back warm memories, they are still some of first inventions that would lead to today’s iconic portrait of the downfall of family activity. Hopefully barring yourself- the reader.

Television replaces dinner-talk and teaching your child a special recipe in the kitchen.

Video games replace hikes and tossing the ball around.

Computers replace family game night and strolls with your energetic puppy,

 while texting replaces actual conversation- we are all guilty of it, myself included.

I’m not writing this to point fingers, but rather reinforce its importance.

I am not ignorant to omit the positive advancements in technology- but at what price has it cost us.

Basically, the direction in which we are heading is a loss of connection between each other and nature; two relationships we have accepted and embraced since the beginning of time.

I come from a very close family and it notably stems from bonding over hikes, sharing kitchen duties, and my family cheering me on from the crowd at my youthful baseball games.  I am not speaking for everyone in writing this, but even those who do share close personal ties can gain from reading this. I hope those that do not will take steps to infiltrate some of these ideas of bonding and connection and understand there are so many things throughout the city of Hamilton and surrounding that only costs a little, if not any money at all; and you can really get back to nature and create new warm memories with family, friends and loved ones during these bitter cold economic times.

Winter activities can sometimes be the most dreaded; all the bundling up, head-to-toe scarves, patriotic toques, tediously tying those boots, and of course, the embrace of opening that front door of yours. But let’s skip past that initial shock of the kiss of winter and take ourselves into one of Hamilton’s vast conservation metropolises. Within Hamilton’s conservation authority they have 11 conservation areas, over 3100 hectares of sprawling land, 377 bird species, and an unimaginable number of twisting paw-printed paths throughout this winter wonderland for you to discover on the cheap.

1)The sound of chickadee’s splashing around in beds of seed, little fatty squirrels buried in Cheerio’s, the knocking of red-haired woodpeckers on the jutting limbs of _______ make up only a small fraction of the almost unseen commotion within the Royal Botanical Garden’s Arboretum. A handful of birdseed really can go a long way and give you a chance to feel connected with nature, as the cautious but trusting chickadees swoop down and grip your fingers. Sunflower seeds are a big hit and soon little chirps will spread that someone has brought the “good-stuff”. Bring your camera and catch birds in action- this is truly a cheap and exciting way to put permanent smiles on every ones faces, no matter the age. The birds flutter around the waterfront opposite Cootes Paradise Sanctuary and can be accessed by Old Guelph Road. Check out www.rbg.ca for a map other activities throughout the RBG.

2) I, on record, officially vote for the end of the Steel City blues and want all to follow along and embrace Hamilton as “The City of Waterfalls” a catchy title, ehh! Well, unfortunately it’s not my gem- Jerry Lawton author of Waterfalls: The Niagara Escarpment quoted so in 1999. With over 126 waterfalls and cascades to discover, one really has to be exploring all year long to even put a dent in there checklist- and what better chance to start than now. Each waterfall takes on an entirely different feel during the winter, which means all those waterfalls you visited in the summer are no longer the same. It’s a healthy and free way to spend a weekend. Go to www.cityofwaterfalls.ca for a complete list and directions to each falls. Happy Hunting.

3) March is a sweet month! The little snow we had this winter will hopefully have melted. The lush greens start coming back to life. Mittens and scarves begin taking the back seat- and the sweetest part of all would have to be the syrup. All along the escarpment

For a list of all other Hamilton Conservation activities take a minute and search www.conservationhamilton.ca and www.hamiltonnature.org - but don’t spend too much time on that computer, get out there and start melting those winter blahs. 

dundas to dundurn

Cross legged atop my backgammon case, I sit perched upon an embankment- the Hamilton harbor peppers itself through the windblown trees that lay staked to the earth. Three stretching trains are being prepped pre-departure and the sounds of the rail yard bounce off the hillside. I’m on the ay to an interview, well more so, a job offer, already three interviews in I was called in for the job and am just valuing my time before the work bell clangs. My view is not one that is familiar; and this earth is not custom to my steps. I’ve been desperately trying to break my mould- homebody extraordinaire I am, and to the point where I wish I was more active- that being a chapter I wish to never revisit, instead I am taking no heed in regret or stressing  productivity or posting claim to life changes, but rather living and in doing so fulfilling the prior.

I met a 90 year old woman named Mae who first came to the exact spot where I sat looking out 80 years ago- she reminisced about how the trees were much smaller back then and that she used to wave to the conductors and they would wave back. She even delved into the Dundurn castle and how there were stuffed lions, peacocks and bears within its confines and people could just walk around the property in and out of the buildings. We bid each other farewell as I tried to take myself back in time.

nicolas cottage

Day 2-

Woke nacho up to go canoeing

Canoed to lyle island then it started raining

Pooped on the island

Saw snake skin

Saw ducks with chicks swimming

The rain stopped

Canoed back

Shallow lake hit the rocks

Back for pancakes by Shannon

Ate at kitchen table with everyone

Foosball with nacho

Hudson thank you card fuck up

Chill by the pit with dan

Meaghan and I do shrooms and smoke a j

Go swimming

Sun comes out

Then gang goes swimming to bone island

I don’t have shoes hang out in water tripping out

Imagine head is a rock and birds land on it

Words of wisdom: don’t care so much about the people around you that are listening

I always look to see if people are watching- don’t be so needy!

Tiresome swim back

Shannon swimming out of water said she needs to be about 3 feet lower

Back to land and saw 2 snakes

Thought one was dead and the other was guarding it with a broken hard

Nacho tried to pick it up with a stick and hissed and they both slithered away

Bbq

Time trip out

Mad rush put oil on the veggies

Flame started growing burning burgers

Big laugh uncontrollable

Howls with Rebecca plate in hand

Clean up

Chop wood for the fire and build it

Play football and Frisbee watching the sunset

Come back to chill by fire

Girls on dock/ boys by fire

Break out guitar and bongos

Hear Nicola playing bongos from dock crying and laughing

Pile up to watch stars

Heads overlapping with Shannon

Keep working the fire everyone moves from the heat

Marshmellows on fire

Nicola and I have heart to hear about nate and her past

Go in to play things after another j with dan

Laugh our asses off (game where u have to guess what the other wrote)

Nacho read in spanich voice “a man loses the will to live after waking up next to rosie odonell

Night ends with me on the couch again with my pants on the rocks with a snake on it

Day 3: first to wake and I come to sit at the edge of the dock under a windy haze

Joined by nacho, brad and nate

Went to corner store for footlongs

Took nap

Woke

Tripped out

Pesto and pasta

All chilled in livingroom with guitar and reeding

Stayed up for the sunset

And so it begins!!!!

Ladies light the fire in a rush to keep warm

I like when my body underwater when its raining because then only my head gets wet

Squirming motions of a squid/octopus

Day 3:

Woke up after reading big sur

Peanut butter and shrooms

Frisbee

Odd family wih broken camera

I would have yelled through interaction- but I wanted them to have a true family portrait

Nicolas laugh smacking the rocks, until  an avelanch echoed our way- I had two options

Stay completely still until that damn trembling demon washed me out to shore or embrace the waves churning in my belly, like tilted bottle shifting back and forth, my toes to mouth in constant waves

I lied on the couch, toes missing the heat, but swaying nonetheless, my head rested upon a pillow of footprints and sunsets wanting to singalong- just a note- the motions, waves crashing my body to where each smile is enhanced and im left giddy thinking of smiling- the rain behind the windows- Rebecca tripping over shoes laughs, laughs, laughs- 2 cents in the boat, dock,bed, and change in my pocket

Rain rain rain- I love rainy days

Laughing laughing I climb out of the lake

Laughing laughing I walk to the front of the house through ashy firepit on wet toes

Laughing laughing I peak through treet- girls with turtle in wagon, wet rain, rides around the lawn

Laughing laughing, laughing

Day 4; dockside

4 muskoka chairs in a row

Nacho, Rebecca, missing Shannon, and I

Draped in sweats and towel await the leisure sun hidden behind twisted branches-

Some speckled light breaks through with the sway of wind

Its easy to get lost in a moment

Now on my 4^th day at Nicolas cottage the fluidity of simplicity has limited my wandering thoughts of my life back in town

I’m even left with guilt churning in my stomach- a real sick feeling in my gut

That’s disguised in suit and tie telling me “boy we gotta talk”

But I don’t want to talk so I repress the conversation-

Put a new mask on it and call it a getaway

Drink my beer, smoke joints, eat well, and trip balls on muschrooms until I end up in the bathroom looking under cupboards for a new mark to don-

But its notmy house you see- so I ditch the mask idea  and think about everything that should be on my mind like my grandfather who just passed away and how im dealing with it well

Perhaps too well compared to some, but I understand we all deal with death and grief differently.

I mean I love the guy to death- we shared the same love for life and really when it comes down it it, just loved each others company; computer talk, golf scores,even just grabbing a hotdog. We’d kid each other on how we dressed or ate our food and now hes gone- too fast, it aways is, we never want anyone to go, but I have to try to make peace with the whole of it- I have no choice- but where the pain now stings me is that nana now wakes up each morning to an empty bed, she shops the grocery store for one, shes left in her quiet, empty home, littered with family photos- each one connecting a once joyous memory that slinks down to a memory of loss-

Marve you horrible husband and father-

Which is another though ive kept in hiding over the past few days

My moters attachment and difficulty of coming to terms

Rightfully so- its over her fucking father

I mean… I understand and thankfully don’t know the actual severity of her pain-

Ive recently had though, due to our current situation, how id react to the loss of my mother or father\and  I honestly cant fahom it- not being able to pick up the phone or relive our memories-

No more holidays, dinners, bday celebrations or be safe I love you texts

A knot in my throat tightens now just thinking of it- im sure the same knot that’s still stuck in my mothers throat- and choking her heart!

Ive never lived in buffalo, growing up in Canada- I saw my grandparents a lot, but still no that much in the scheme of our lives and it saddens me this might be a reason ive been able to deal with papa’s death- I rationalize his age, his peaceful passing, his vitality and passion for life, id love for all of us to live forever, but im not a child and must think like an adult-

Papa I love you can you hear me I only want one thing, and that’s for our family to be able to smile once again. I hate that ive been at a cottage for 4 days and can so easily go on with my life. It’s a crime and a prayer and its that balanced mix that’s creating a churning that rings my belly sitting in 1 of the 4 muskoka chairs now next to a sleeping Rebecca wrapped in blanket and covered head to toe in towels. The sun has almost brinked the tree line as a golden haze has left my eyes at half mass. It’s a new day today but all the tomorrows are going to be faced with similar fear that the crime will outweigh my prayers.

wake and bake

I tipped my cap

And bade adieu to my life of latter

My life of wonder

My life of unknown

My life of gamble

My foreign life

Only to touch down and don a new cap

With matching apron

And so I donned my apron

Now layered, caked and doused with ingredient

My life of kneading, mixing, and cutting

My life of timers, buzzers, and burning

My life of flour, eggs, and sugar

My life of recipe

Only to squeeze myself into the apron

And comfortable shoes

And so I tossed on my shoes

And walk the streets and forest in search of light

My life of weight

My life of bricks and mortar

My life of direction

My life of forced passion

Only to picture myself as a machine

With eroding metal

So I polished my metal

And set out for adventure in my new world with new mindset

My new life of wonder

My new life of unknown

My new life of gamble

My new foreign life