Jan 2, 2007
It feels like yesterday that I was teaching my baby boy to walk. I remember his cute chubby cheeks and big blue eyes. I remember dressing him in his cute denim jacket and tying his cute little shoes. I used to stare at him while he slept thinking I never wanted him to grow up. And now my baby is moving to Korea.
I’ve been coming home for the past 23 years knowing that my baby was safe and comfortable. I could see him, touch him, kiss him, love him- but now he is going to be on the other side of the world. He’ll be in a strange place where he doesn’t know the language or the culture. He could be in danger and I would never know. I feel helpless; there is nothing I can do.
Jan 3, 2007
Today was the first day without my boy. I sat parked in the driveway crying- knowing there will be silence the second I walk in the door. I won’t hear him say ‘I love you mom’ or ‘can I borrow the car‘. I don’t care if he speeds anymore- I just want him back. I miss his quirky voices- his silly faces and beautiful smile. I miss the way he makes me feel like a better person. I don’t know how I can last a year without him.
Why couldn’t he stay in Canada- get his masters and become a writer and live under his loving mother’s wing till she grows old. I know that might be pushing it, but I am allowed to dream too.
When I was young, you went to school, got a job, and then married. It was an easy formula- you didn’t cross the globe to teach English. That was unheard of! What is it with these kids today that feel like they need to become cultured? I even told him I would buy him a car if he stayed- it wouldn’t have been a new car, that’s out of my price range but a car nonetheless. I would have told my parents that I was moving out, if I knew they would buy me a car. Actually, now that I think of it, they were probably thrilled the day I moved out.
But no, my son has had his heart set on this for the past 4 years. I always thought it would pass. He has come up with so many ideas, plans, adventures and journeys- that always in the back of my mind I thought this would just become another crazy idea. But as time went on the idea only got stronger and stronger and well… now it’s no longer an idea- but reality.
Jan 10, 2007
A week has gone by now since he left and it’s quieter than ever. I’ve been trying to keep busy with friends and the dog to take my mind away from being alone. Karma is a great help- so young and playful. I walk her every night and she gives me the biggest puppy kisses. I wonder if she misses her big brother as much as I do. I wonder if she will recognize him when he gets back- that will be weird to see.
I talked to my baby this week and he is having an unbelievable time. I don’t know how he does it. He just picks up his life and moves somewhere unfamiliar and he somehow becomes a part of it. He is having the time of his life.
One thing that scared me was when I read in one of his blogs that he climbed a mountain the other day. Though when he climbed down he mistakenly ended up on a military course where there was a mannequin with bullet holes in it and a tower with shooters. This boy is going to give me a heart attack and there is nothing I can do about it. If something happens to him- I will kill myself. He is my heart. Please God don’t let anything happy to my baby boy, he is precious and I couldn’t go on.
But with that said, I know good will happen- he is living his dream.
Feb 3, 2007
I just got word that he finished his contract and is going to go backpacking through Thailand. What a life he is living. I feel as though I am living my life vicariously through his. I love hearing his stories. He has such a gift for telling stories and lighting up the lives of others.
I can picture him in the living room with all of his friend’s playing cards- chatting and laughing away- while I’m in the kitchen baking for the boys. Those were some of my happiest times. If I could bake full time- now that would be my dream. I’ve really been baking a lot and trying to get my business on the go again. Baking is my one true passion,-if I could get out of optics and turn ‘hugs and quiches’ into something big, that would be amazing. I’ve been working at a job I hate for the last 30 years, it’s about time for a break.
Feb 4, 2007
My baby the world traveler! Wow the stories he shares. He has done more in his life than I have in mine and he is half my age- this doesn’t seem fair. He has been contacting me about once or twice a week when he is around a computer. I check my email about 10 times a day waiting for emails- when I get one I can sleep comfortable knowing that he is safe. It still makes me nervous with him gone- these countries are not safe and my baby is a risk taker. I know he is smart but sometimes he likes to have too much fun. I just hope he stays out of trouble.
Feb 5, 2007
I told him about this party going on in Thailand called The Full Moon Party in Koh Phangan, and he just got back from it. He wrote me a letter about it…..
Sounds like a blast.
Mar 5, 2007
So my baby is back in Korea and safe. I was worried that he might get in trouble. In Thailand along the Malaysian border there are Muslim terrorists at war- that is the last place my little mashugana needs to be.
He ran into some complications with his visa. He went to Thailand in the first place to get his working visa for Korea, but it never arrived. So, his boss cancelled his return flight and booked him another- two weeks later. Some life.
‘No… stay in Thailand two more weeks and
soak in the sun, lie on the crystal beaches
and get messages all day- that sounds horrible’
When the visa didn’t arrive- he flew back to Korea on a tourist visa and waited a day until the documents came through. His boss then flew him to Japan -all expenses- to cover all legal actions. And now he is getting settled at his new job at Bambini. My baby the teacher- the kids are going to love him.
Apr 15, 2007
It’s been about four months now since he left and life is normal at home. I work- come home to wet puppy kisses and start baking. I play poker on weekends and visit my parents in Buffalo. I feel connected to my baby even though he’s on the other side of the world. We keep in touch through email and webcam. Technology is truly an amazing thing- it’s like he’s right here in the room with me.
I don’t think I could have went without seeing my baby if we didn’t stay in touch through the computer. Anyways, I’ve accepted the fact he is gone, and I look forward to sending him packages with all my baked goodies. He is probably sick of eating bugs and live octopus by now.
May 7, 2007
Lou and I have been talking and I think I am going to come to visit him in Korea in September. I am going to have to start saving big time. But this will give me a great opportunity to see into the life of my baby- see his house, friends and his cutie Asian students.
May 28, 2007
We haven’t talked in some time now- I always miss him on the computer and I am having the hardest time with the area code and which number to dial. You have to drop the 0(zero) or take off a 1 and add a 0(zero). I don’t know- it’s just really confusing- and some woman keeps answering the phone and speaking in Korean. Maybe it’s his new girlfriend and she’s trying to steal my baby from me. That bitch!
I will tell you one thing; he is not marrying a Korean girl and moving over there. I draw the line there- I don’t care if she moves to Canada but there is no way in hell he is
going to live in Korea.
Please don’t let him want to live in Korea!!!
Jun 22, 2007
So… Lou started dating a Korean clothing designer. I always get confused with the girls he dates- every week it’s a different girl. I hope he doesn’t break her heart. If she makes my baby is happy, I guess I’ll like her.
It’s funny though, whenever I ask him “What is she like?” He always says the same thing “cool”. Everyone’s cool. I’ve heard ‘she’s cool’ about 100 times. Well at least it doesn’t sound like love. I hope I don’t have any Asian grandchildren running around soon.
Baby please be smart and safe during sex- I’m not ready to be a grandma. I’m too young to be a grandma.
Jul 9, 2007
I have managed to put $1500 aside for my trip to Korea- I am getting so excited. Lou said that I can come in the class and help teach for 2 day with him. We are going to a cooking course and ill just get to watch my baby in action.
I’ve seen so many pictures of those little sweethearts- little Annie and chubby cheek Sally… Awwwww such cuties.
Those kids are going to be heart broken when the year is over. Lou has been talking about quitting and starting a contract at another school. He can never finish anything. I think it is important for him to honor his contract and stick it out for complete the year. I’ve talked to the whole family and they all agree. I know he will make the right decision.
Jul 28, 2007
I just sent my baby a package for his birthday- he has been begging me for this drum machine thingy, called the Dr. Boss 880 – or something like that. I was on eBay searching day and night for the best one. It should be arriving at his school just in time for his birthday.
I can’t believe he will be 24- boy does time fly. It’s like I blinked and his whole life has gone by. If I could have him back when he was just a little baby and relive all his moments again- I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’d even go through child birth again. And we all know what wonders that does to the stretch lines. Oh, to be young again!!
My baby is the best thing that ever came out of my marriage. And now he’s all grown up- a world traveler- I’m so proud of him. I just know good things will come of him.
I don’t know what… but he is destined for greatness.
Aug 17, 2007
I just got off the webcam with my sweetie pie and today he’s 24. Well, technically he will be in 14 hours- but who’s counting.
He went to an all you can eat-all you can drink restaurant for his birthday today with his girlfriend and friends and he said he had a blast. They threw ice cream and cake all over him. I hope he didn’t get too drunk. I’ve heard stories where kids have died on their birthday from having consumed too much alcohol. I’m still a worrying parent even though he’s on the other side of the world.
He told me the package arrived today- and he got all the goodies and the drum machine, I even sent him a lava lamp he’s been dying to have.
I swear that boy is a hippy- always with his incents and lava lamps. It takes me back to my bellbottom days. Oh, the summer of love- long hair, unforgettable music, and uninhibited freedom.
My boy even has the same style in music as I do. I love it when he plays his Fleetwood Mac lp- Stevie Nicks singing Dreams takes me way back. And Traffic‘s- John barleycorn must die it’s like I’ve travelled back in time.
I remember when he came home with a Nirvana c.d. when he was about 12 years old and I made return it- because it had a parental advisory sticker. But then I listened to it, and I began to really like it- so we would sing the songs together on our drives to Buffalo or the grocery store.
Speaking of driving, I’m going to be riding on the back of Lou’s motorbike all around Korea. Talk about an experience. I am psyched but a little nervous- I mean driving in Asia. I’ve heard about the horror stories. I know he will be the best tour guide though. He has taken over that country- I bet he knows that country like the back of his hand.
Anyways 39 days till I see my baby. I am going to give him the biggest hug in the world. I don’t think I will be able to keep my eyes off of him- I will be staring at him while he sleeps. I am so excited.
Aug 29, 2007
Three weeks till I’m in Korea running into my boys arms.
I’ve got so much to do up until then- I feel like there are not enough hours in the day. I’m either; working, baking or playing with the puppy. I hope Larry can watch Karma. It will nice to have a vacation. But I think I will be so busy on the vacation by the sounds of it- I will need a vacation to relax from my vacation. I’m glad I booked the day off after I get back from Korea to rest. Three more weeks!
Sept 17, 2007
Monday- I drove to Buffalo after making many Karma arrangements- Lynn, Sue, Edwin- everyone is helping out to make me stress free for my trip. The big countdown from 88 days and here I am.
Larry (my ex-husband) was planning on surprising me with a bon voyage party, but I had an optical seminar- so I had to cancel.
I got together for lunch, coffee and dinner with all my friends- they are about as excited as I am,knowing how terribly I miss Louis. I can’t believe I am going to Korea. I can’t wait to get off the plane and hug him to death.
I am sitting at the airport in Atlanta awaiting my 15 hour flight… ugh!
Last night the whole family took me out for dinner at Red Robin- I was quite nervous thinking about luggage weight, transferring, being on time etc.
My sister Diane drove me to Buffalo airport- and now here I am sitting with a bunch of Koreans that I will be spending the next 15 hours of my life with.
Sept 18, 2007 continued on flight… arriving Sept 19, 2007
The flight is amazing. The plane is empty and I have three seats to myself; 3 pillows, 3 blankets and 3 meals- that’s the last thing I need, more food. I ordered a vegetarian meal- so decadent. I even have my own TV with movies and HBO.
The plane landed and now its 14 hours ahead- technically it’s September 19th, being that its 14 hours ahead and a 15 hour flight I jumped a day.
I followed a Korean lady to catch a bus to Anyang then I got off at Beomgye station- 5 minutes later Lou rode up on his motorbike and- Oh my God!- I wrapped my arms around him like a big fuzzy bear would spotting a jar of sweet golden honey.
We took a cab to his place with the luggage after locking his motorbike up. It was pouring rain- because of serious monsoons in China. The taxi arrived at his house minutes later.
I brought some goodies and we reminisced as he opened his presents. We got ready to go out for dinner, then headed to this great big market area in Beomgye; neon lights, outdoor restaurants, vendors- selling sushi, produce, toys anything you could name.
We went to this great restaurant for duk galbi, a mixture of cabbage, and other fermented vegetables, a spicy red chili sauce, duk (which is chicken) and melted cheese, which has just been recently introduced to Korea- I ate it without the duk.
We shopped at a large underground grocery store- very authentic- where Korean women were dressed in traditional dresses (hanboks) which were bright and colorful. We then picked up Lou’s motorbike and drove back home to chill before we went bowling with his friends.
We bowled 3 games and had so much fun. Lou really has a great group of friends. Everyone was so nice I fit in with them all.
It’s now 1:11 am and I haven’t slept in 31 hours so I am going to sleep. I have to wake up in 7 hours to teach with Lou.
Sept 20th, 2007
It was a great day at school with Louis- the kids love him, he has so much fun with the kids. I got very emotional when Sharon, Lois and Bram was playing on the school radio- it brought me back to when Lou was a child- and now he’s teaching them.
The people at school were very friendly- everyone welcomed me. The kids even called me Louis Mommy Teacher.
You don’t wear shoes at school- everyone changes into slippers- just a little fact.
After school we shopped a bit then went home to nap. We decided to go to Itaewon in Seoul- the foreign Mecca- for dinner. It was raining outside but we managed to get a table under an umbrella.
We were eating pizza when this drunken guy came over and wanted to sit and smoke- we told him he could sit but not smoke. He went into details about his wife and how the police are searching for him about domestic abuse- crazy- then Lou took his picture- also crazy. The guy freaked out, grabbing Lou’s beer bottle and raised it as to hit him in the head.
He was screaming “what did you take the picture for? What did you take the picture for?” So Lou deleted the picture- what a nut. He really scared me for a while. He finally left and we booted it home on his motorbike in the pouring rain.
Louis figured the guy was in the American military and didn’t want to get in trouble with us having his picture- makes sense. It was a good night, but a weird and memorable one.
Sept 21st, 2007
Today is the last day of school before Chuseok- the Korean thanksgiving. The kids came to school dressed in their hanboks and we made dumplings with raisins and brown sugar- also a traditional food.
We took them for a walk to the market to buy them veggies and bread so we could make the kids Canada’s traditional meal- spaghetti.
Because of the holiday the kids had their pictures taken and played games. We served them lunch- ugh! I don’t know how they can eat that stuff. Tony didn’t like the pasta- but he sure went to town on those fish heads.
I said “Hi, Honey” to the kids the first day and the kids thought it was a riot. I’m really going to miss little Annie and chubby faced Sally and Eunice- oh she was so cute acting as the mom of the class.
The school presented me with a gift for helping out- bowed and thanked me. What a respectful country.
After school we went to Costco- I know what you are thinking, ‘a Costco in Korea‘- but it’s very metropolitan in Korea, they have everything you can think of- from Starbucks and Outback to Pizza Hut and Burger King ( yes, I understand these are all restaurants- what can I say ’I love food’).
On the way home we drove around a lake that was surrounded by funky, nouveau fusion restaurants. We stopped to take pictures and went to a market to pick up fruit for blender drinks at Lou’s dinner party tonight. All his friends are bringing over vegetarian dishes because they know I don’t eat meat- how sweet.
It’s now 3:30 am- Louis is sleeping and that’s what I am about to do. What a night- so much fun but exhausted.
Sept 22nd, 2007
Woke up late-ish and Louis made spicy egg and cheese croissants. I saddled up on his motorbike and we took off for the day around noon and headed to Seoul to visit Namdaemun market- 1000’s of vendors selling underwear to silkworms down narrow winding roads, draped in electrical wires, wafts of fragrant bouquets of meat, colorful people, and oh those treacherous silkworms.
We cruised the alleys for quite some time- which was an amazing experience- before heading back to Itaewon for a western lunch. We stopped at one of Lou’s favorite joints ‘Smokey Saloon’ for burgers- I had the fish and chips being a vegetarian.
After lunch we went across the street to a very modern Californian bar ‘Bungalow’s and had a drink. The bar was laid out in levels with different rooms bedded with sand- it was like relaxing on the beach. Swinging chairs hung from the ceiling, large block candles set the mood, as funky beaded chandeliers canopied our heads.
I ordered a margarita and Lou had a Hoegarden- he made me guess what he had planned for later in the evening- like I had any clue; we could be eating live octopus for all I know- Please no!!
We dusted the sand out between our toes and got back on his bike and drove to this artsy side of town complemented by an old stone fortress. I still had the slightest of clues as to what we were going to do. All of a sudden we turned a corner and a big neon sign lit up the sky “Nanta”- where the hell are you taking me, I prodded Lou.
I soon found out it was a high energy play about Korean cooking. We sat roughly 10 rows in and perfectly centered with the stage- I had no clue what to expect. It turned out to be really funny and interactive with the whole crowd, nothing that I can really pinpoint, it was just an overall fun atmosphere. We left laughing and I was left with a permanent smile the rest of the evening. I always have a fun time with Lou, he is totally my son we have such a similar sense of humor. Well, after a beautiful ride over the Seoul Bridge, we stopped for a pizza topped with corn and sweet potato??????? What kind of country is this? When the pizza was finished we drove it back to Lou’s house and put on a movie while talking about plans for the next week, and fell asleep after a long day of unexpected fun.
Sept 23-28, 2008
The next week kind of just flew by, being that we didn’t stop moving for even one minute. The days all seemed to blend together- starting with day trips to the artsy district of Insadong and Jongno.
The cobble streets stirred with a colorful commotion of locals and foreigners alike shopping or eating in one of the hundreds of little shops selling traditional Korean goods. The streets were a feast for the eyes, I could see why Lou loves this area- I could spend all day sitting with a coffee staring at all the walks of life that pass by.
Lou took me to another Duk Galbi joint; this one was located down a bustling alley lined with art deco oversized piano that swallowed the lane. The restaurant was delicious, and once again I picked out the chicken of my meal- have to stay strong.
We hit two other market areas named Myong Dong and Dongdaemun.
Myong Dong was more of a fashionable area- that boasted shop after shop of beauty stores and tiny Korean sized clothing boutiques, but still had that wandering smell of bondaegee- oh how I loathe that smell. Dongdaemun had more of a second hand, flee market feel to it- but was still amusing and I managed to find a cozy triple XL LRG sweater. I can just picture taking Karma for it on a cool fall night, or lying on the couch on a snowy night draped in it.
New day
One day I’ll never forget for the rest of my life was renting bicycles around Yeouido Park. Lou and I rented these antique bikes, and cruised along the Han River on such a glorious day that whatever we did- being that it was such a beautiful day only made it that more special. We followed the path along the river passing, the unbelievable skyline that graced the other side, fields of children at play, couples and families coasting past us on their rented bicycles and vendors selling that damn bondaegee everywhere. We entered a tunnel and came out on the adjacent side and were situated in the centre of a little park surrounded by skyscrapers.
The park was stocked with a pond with ducks and fish gorging on the influx of breadcrumbs and fish-food. The park was also home to a statue of the creator of Hangeul, the Korean written and spoken language- we took a few pictures before finding a pathway embedded with rocks acting as a healthy alternative treating pressure points in the foot, known as reflexology.
We took turns walking around- let’s just say that it might have been the next most unpleasant thing to giving birth and eating bondaegee.
After returning the bikes I needed a bite to eat and I was not in the mood for anything Korean- so I forced Lou to go to Outback.
Oh, how I love those blooming onions. So we hopped onto the motorbike and took a journey to the closest Outback. Can you believe it, the only thing I was craving and it was out of stock- go figure, we are in Korea.
Being that I was now in the mood, we ventured to another Outback. This time we were luckier as we sat down and ordered our meals, while stuffing our faces with loaf after loaf of delicious warm bread and my first ‘real’ American meal.
New day
Today was particularly special, considering the magnitude of our trip. Today we endeavored to the North Korean border of Panmunjeon, and hiked into an infiltration tunnel that led to South Korea. This was a first for Lou and I, which was great for us to share this moment together.
It was really something out of this world. We got to the border and took pictures into the barren land of North Korea; the only thing visible through the mountains was a flag that jutted out of the earth standing over 100 feet tall. All the border guards were armed with guns and you could just feel the tension.
Following that we got back onto the bus and made our way to
the third tunnel. We all got decked out in yellow hats and sunk ourselves into the earth; my legs felt like jello trying to walk out of it. Once we reached the bottom, which seemed like a mile deep, we walked through this little passageway that led us further and further to the border of North Korea, but from underneath the earth. What an adventure, I can’t believe the experience were having.
On the bus ride back, our tour guide told us about a friend of hers that escaped from North Korea by swimming to China. We don’t even know how good we have it. Seeing something like this really makes you appreciate your life and everything that we have- we are so fortunate.
A funny little side note; our trip was to include a visit to a gem factory, but instead they took us to a dealership. At least it is a story to talk about.
New day
Today is the last day of my trip and I’m heading back to Canada in a few hours. Words cannot express how proud I am of Lou, and how unbelievably sad I am that I won’t be seeing him for another 6 months. I value our time so much, and it feels like time is just flying by like the wind. I hope we stay touch as much as we did his first semester.
Well, I better prepare myself I have a 30 hour journey to the other side of the world. Boy, am I not looking forward to this.
November 3, 2007
I am finally back to my reality and finished suffering from jetlag and am once again in my routine of work and taking care of the puppy.
It feels surreal that I was just in Korea with Lou and then I got on a plane and ‘presto’, I’m back in Canada. Well, I don’t know how to put it, but as much my heart is breaking that I am away from Lou- I finally understand why he needed to do this.
Ever since he started university I heard him speak of travelling overseas to teach, and I always thought it was just a phase and that it would pass. At least I hoped it would pass, but I never really gave it too much thought because it was years away. Though as time passed his mind just got stronger and with that my mind began to wander. What would life be like without my baby?
What will I do without him?
He doesn’t need me anymore I thought. I raised him to the man he is today; through birth, changing diapers, a divorce, raising him single handedly, through seven houses, birthday parties, bar mitzvah, car accidents, girlfriends and sleepovers, vacations to Puerto Rico and Las Vegas, drugs and alcohol discussions, all the while having a roof over his head, more than enough food in his belly, clothes on his back, and a university degree.
But what I have learned throughout the past 24 years is that, I have slowly been instilling myself, my wisdom, everything that I have learned from my parents and everything I have learned throughout my trials, and have molded Louis in that same light- a positive and loving light- and now Louis is the embodiment of everything that I am, what my family is and so much more.
I have done everything I could to have brought Louis up the same as families with two parents- and the truth is I think he came out better than most of them. Which is why after seeing him in Korea, teaching those little cuties, living comfortably in his own apartment, riding his own motorbike, and showing me around town, and doing everything with love and such an appreciation and passion towards life- I now know that this was the best thing to happen to him. And it’s not that I’ll ever stop worrying or caring for my baby, but I now can truly see that he has his head on his shoulders and love in his heart, and anything he wants to do in this world is his for the taking. And the best thing to come from all this- is that now it is giving me a chance to see places of the world that I would have never thought of going had it not been for Louis. And every step along the way I will be right there by his side.
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