I guess if ever it’s about time for me to get back to reality. For the past few days my head has been in the clouds- half the time trying to make sense of the situation, while the other half is just blah.
You know, I’ve always been a trusting guy- never one to worry about girlfriends hanging out with their ex’s, or going to the bar with their friends and partying without me. But, now I am fighting a deep down struggle with the truth.
I’ve already made my mind clear that I will never know the complete truth. SO I am left with a couple of options. I can either call it quits and move on or believe her story and try to mend our mishap- both leaving me feeling unsettled and unnerved.
This being- that if I decide to call it quits- I could be doing so on terms that were unjustifiable (being that she really is telling the truth)- but on the contrary, she has left me questioning her past behaviours. Which leads me to believe her story is a grand ruse. Also not to bash her, but she placed herself in this situation. She has let me down before coming up with elaborate answers about her whereabouts- That I am left to swallow. This time not to be outdone, she didn’t even have the decency to let me know she want going to make it to my party “her phone was more important than my thanksgiving”
She has done many selfish acts and spends most of her weekends drinking with friends I’ve never met- or who I have never been introduced to. This leaves me curious as to whether she has another life that I am not a part of. And lastly I am in Korea for the next year or two- is this relationship really worth mending? Hardly likely. Should I be wasting my time on a girl that I know has an end to her- a final goodbye.
On the other hand- if I do decide to get back with her, ill have to forfeit all prior accusations and be able to start fresh. Am I willing (or able) to do that?
Thinking about it right now, I don’t think I can honestly trust her again, without a lingering thought in the back of my head. Its not even that I care she has a boyfriend- which is the scary part- I know our relationship was eventually going to end. There was no marriage insight. So its up to me if I want to get back with her for good times or take some time off and figure out what I want before I rush into any concrete decisions. Being single would be fun, and I don’t really want to start meeting new girls with Erin lingering in my mind.
As the proof lies in front of me, it looks as though there is more evidence proving what I should do. And this is solely for me- I have to think of me without thinking of hurting anyone’s feelings. I come first in my life and it’s not selfish for me to say that. I know what must be done.
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